ILLUSION || Jason Todd

SIXTY-ONE

❝MAYBE IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD❞

SABRINA CARPENTER, BED CHEM

Lorelei did not sleep for a single second that night. How could she? Her mind was hyperfixating on the sight of an empty grave. So no, she couldn't bring her mind to relax for any length of time to fall into a nightmare fuelled slumber. And even if she did sleep, what would she see? That was another chilling thought of her night.

From Jason's death, everything replayed within her mind. Every moment she could remember was calculating. But... Jason wasn't dead, was he? No. Dick was adamant he was alive - he saw him. His face. Heard his voice. If not for the empty grave, Lorelei would never have dwelled on such a thought. She felt Jason die. The pain of the multiple hits to his head, the final breath he took as Lorelei passed out. She felt it, that was real. That much was for sure.

But he was alive? Somehow. His resurrection - a thing Lorelei sat in disbelief with the thought - would be a mystery that the Titans had to solve.

Lorelei didn't focus on the thoughts she should be focusing on. No wonders about how Jason had become a murderer; that knowledge had long left her brain. Jason was alive and the puzzle pieces slowly connected their dots.

Or, in better terms, Dylan was onto something.

Her magic disappeared after Jason's death, leaving her for dust and staying gone for months with no trace of the element her soul had always connected with. Until its return just weeks ago. Was that when Jason came back? If Dylan was right, if Jason was her talisman, it had to be.

It felt like... like magic when her elemental came back. Like it was never gone, just untraceable with the empty hole it left in Lorelei. Like the empty hole Jason left in her heart. And soul, if he were her talisman.

That was around the time Lorelei began to change too, wasn't it? With her magic faded - or... dead? -, she began using her artificial abilities. The young mage didn't see it then but she understood now, it was a cry for control for all that she lost. Once a week, just a few short hours, she would feel that power drawing within her veins. She could never deny it felt good, even if she didn't like using them, she supposed that's why she was beginning to like using them. Lorelei was desperate.

It wasn't like she stopped using them after her elemental returned. It would make her a better vigilante, she would tell herself. She had to learn to control the temptations, she would reassure herself. Lorelei didn't want to admit she was giving up. Lose the fear, she would say to anyone that asked. That one was true. But it was selfishly for herself - she just wanted a goddamned sleep.

It wasn't until her elemental came back that she really began to change. Her temper kept growing thin with a short fuse, almost blowing up her mission to freedom with threats to her father. But now, after psychoanalysing everything since Jason's death, she could understand the why.

If Jason was her talisman and was resurrected, he would have changed too. Dying and coming back to life was unheard of to Lorelei, an unfathomable thing she was struggling to grasp as it was being handed to her. If Jason was her talisman, they were linked. If some fucked up magic that wasn't Centia based brought him back to life, surely that would affect Lorelei too?

Yeah; Lorelei had done a lot of thinking in the hours laid in her bed with a pounding explosion within her head. She needed painkillers, a small pill to take away her pain. Well, take her headache away. She would settle for that. The lack of sleep definitely wasn't helping but what difference did it make? She wouldn't be able to sleep until her body forced her unconscious.