Meredith's Thoughts Volume IV

have i ever been satisfied?

it's been way longer than I even thought since I last wrote in here. I think I say that every time, same with "I used to write in here all the time now look at me", but it's so true.
It's funny how things are nowhere near the same but they're not much different at all either.
Some house keeping catch ups:
-left gvsu
-rushed a sorority, went phi sig
-lots to unpack there^
-did campus ministry, didn't really like it
-fall out and in with maggie
-maddy is getting married
-gram died
-went on a mission trip
-at occ to be a paralegal
-was not a good idea to start school again yet^
-was "friends" with Michael for 9 months

And with that^ statement: quick blurb:
Today will mark 6 years since we broke up. Six years. I was fourteen. 14. I'm 20 now. Twenty. If you ever find yourself feeling bad about not being over someone, just remember him and I exist. And yea, I did say him AND I, not just me, bc ya know what? He kept coming back too. I can't even lay it all out for yall. I mean it was a lot. It. Was. A. Lot. I think for 14 year old me, this would be my worst nightmare; still not being over and away from him. And I think I need to remember that more often.
Fourteen year old me is tired. She's tired and she's served her time. She can be laid to rest. And I can't categorize Michael as a good or bad person— he's just a person. I pray God has him close and protected in his arms and at the same time I pray he regrets so painstakingly deep what he did to me every single day. And I pray God understands that.
Six years is six too long. I had to make the hard choice to pack it up without justice and leave him believing whatever he wants to believe even if it's wrong for the sake of my own well being. You can't force a blind person to see.
I hope he's happy and I hope I never, ever know.