Divine's Time

29. anxiety

Divine

P playfully hit my shoulder when he took a seat next to me on his sofa.

"What's going on with you and Camry, bro?" I looked over at him as he raised his eyebrow at me. I sighed, not feeling like getting into our big argument we had a couple of nights before.

Throwing his basketball in the air, the ball spun swiftly before he caught it with his large hands. "She got a whole lot to say on Instagram about you right now." He gave a little laugh.

I sighed and ran my hands down my face, "She found out about me fucking with Erica." I admitted. "Damn, why she always going to the net about our shit?"

P  started to shake his head throwing the ball in the air again. "D, c'mon bro'"

"I told you before. You can't be a real nigga and a liar at the same time. If  you want to be thorough you gotta be thorough in all areas." I nodded taking in his advice.

I smacked my teeth, "I ain't lyin'" I defended, indeed lying.

"Oh, so you was straight up with Camry about you fuckin' Erica?" He asked.

"I mean, I never planned on stepping out on her. But, she do too much sometimes, It be making me want to just be around somebody else." I shrugged trying to justify it. "Camry annoying sometimes, man. And Erica was hitting a nigga up, I was horny and I don't know.. I just did it."

P nodded with a laugh, "That's girls for you, bro. Why you think I ain't got no girl?" He asked,

"Cause' you ugly as hell," I responded.

He gave a wide smile and mushed my head making me chuckle, "Because I know I ain't trying to deal with all that  and I like pussy too much." He retorted, now setting the ball on his smooth wooden floors. "Plus, can't no woman out here say P played them or left them in the dark about nothin' because I keep it real with everybody. And if they choose to still fuck with me that's they choice, not because I'm selling them a dream."

He continued, "If you ain't tryna' be bothered with that girl, then let her know. Be real, about your shit and how you feelin'. That's what a man does."

"It's not that I don't want to be with her," I explained, with a shrug I tried my best to find the words, but couldn't grasp them. "I just be fuckin' up."

"I'm just saying. You got to move through life being the man somebody can brag about. I know niggas try to make being loyal to they brothers but dogging bitches out cool, but if you a real nigga you real with everybody." He coached.

I sighed, I couldn't act like I wasn't doing wrong because I was. I guess, I never thought of it the way he is explaining it to me.

"I ain't tryna' make it seem like I'm perfect." He raised both his hands in defense. "But you gone be a daddy one day. I want you to be the man my future niece would want her husband to be. Or the man my nephew would want to be like. That's all." He hit my chest.

"Well, I ain't having no kids no time soon. I got all my life to grow up." I took the basketball from the floor and started spinning it on my finger.

"You gone learn, lil bro. You gone learn."

I suck my teeth at him and grabbed the PS4 controller, "Bro, you on that lecturing shit again. Let's play Madden."

My eyes fluttered as I brought myself back to reality, I thought about one of the last conversations we had before he passed. I didnt pay too much attention to it then. But hell if I ain't feeling that shit more than ever right now.