Divine's Time

17. burning bridges

Time

I woke up to the loud snore of Divine. I rubbed my lower back from sleeping in this uncomfortable position all night. Sitting up on the couch, I picked my phone up from the plush carpet my eyes widened at the 2 missed calls and text messages from Omar.

Omar: Hey, you good?

Omar: I guess your cancelling? Hope you're okay...

"Shit," I whispered, feeling bad about leaving him hanging. My stomach burned once I remembered the kiss that took place last night.  It was unexpected, but I can't say I feel bad about doing it. That kiss regurgitated the feelings I'd been trying to push down since I met him. I just don't know what it means for us or if it changes anything.

If anything that kiss just made everything so much more difficult. But also, solidified the feelings I have for him.

As for Omar, he's sweet but I'm not sure about how I feel, yes it is still early, but I know nothing for certain. I don't know if I truly like him or don't.

But I do know that Divine ignites a feeling of passion that I haven't felt before. That I know 100%.

So, sorry Omar! I accidently fell asleep over at Divine's. Dont hate me.

I replied.

"Hey." I heard Divine groan rubbing his tired eyes.

"Good morning," I responded watching him sit up straight. He rubbed his face with his hand before standing up from the couch. "How'd you sleep?" I asked watching him as he folded the comforter.

"Surprisingly, that was the best sleep I got in days." He responded, and I nodded.

"Well, I'm glad it was good for you. My back is killing me." I told him rubbing my lower back.

He gave a lazy chuckle before there was an awkward silence.

"Time.. about last night." He started to speak,

"Divine I told you, you don't have to apologize," I told him looking into his worried face. "I'm glad we did it If I can be honest," I told him being vulnerable.

He sat the folded comforter down on the couch and walked towards me holding both my hands.

"Time, I don't want this to be confusing. I like you, I want you to know that. But I just can't start anything I know I can't finish." He told me looking into my eyes. "I'm not ready for anything, and.."

He took a quick breath before saying,

"I shouldn't have kissed you, last night."

For some reason my heart dropped, this isn't anything I didn't know before. But hearing these words come out of his mouth, after the kiss. Made me feel rejected. Made me feel kind of stupid.

Stupid for thinking that last night as special as it was changes anything overnight. Stupid for just a second getting my hopes up.

"I'm fucked up, Time." He added,

I scoffed, "I understand, Divine. But-"

I started to think about what to say next, something kind and careful. But decided to say how I truly felt because he needed to hear it.

"Yes, you are in a bad place, Divine. I get it.. but you don't get to use that as an excuse to get what you want at the expense of other people's feelings."

"That's not what I'm trying to do." He defended with furrowed eyebrows. I gently pulled my hands away. "But unfortunately, that's what you're doing." I retorted.