Divine's Time

2. pity party.

I stared at the picture of Prodigy I had sitting on my nightstand. I always laugh, because he told me to take this picture as he posed crossing his arms, pretending to be looking at something.

Nigga always thought he was a model or some shit.

Three years, he's been gone. Three long ass depressing ass years.

Some hating ass niggas took my brother on his 22nd birthday, in a drive by. We were leaving the strip club, he was on the passenger side while Tony T was in the driver side, and they took his ass out at a red light like they did Tupac.

I don't remember much. Everything happened so fast but so slow at the same time. All I could remember was my brothers body jerking in slow motion while blood splattered everywhere.

Everything else after that was a blur.

I do know that after that I had blood on my face and clothes with a Glock in my hand looking for any motherfucker who looked suspicious. But that was three years ago, and I'm all cried out. I missed my nigga, but I choose not to dwell on it for too long. It's still a mystery on who killed my brother, but don't think for a second, I ever stopped trying to solve it.

But that shit gone come to the light and
when it does, Ima be ready for that bloodshed.

Today was his death anniversary and his birthday, so this shit hit me double. And I know it kills my mama, she hasn't been the same since. Hell, I ain't either. The whole hood ain't been the same.

My mama doesn't even talk much no more, any time I do see a smile on her face it makes me feel so much better. That's why I asked Goldie at the funeral to move in with her to keep her company and keep her laughing. Which she didn't mind.

I tucked the picture under my red pillow and turned to see Camry lightly snoring. I looked at the clock it read 6:15 am. I couldn't sleep so I might as well make some money, and start making my way to visit my mom.

I was honestly dreading walking into the door of my mama's house, I started to mentally prepare myself to be drowned in memories of P, old baby pictures, and stories I've heard time and time again.

Not that I don't care to remember my brother on the anniversary of his death, It just hurts too bad.

"Was sup, ma. Hey Goldie." I greeted closing the door.

There was a girl, Ive never seen before sitting next to Goldie. She looked up at me and waved. She was a pretty dark skin girl, with braids. Big lips and small eyes.

Had a slight resemblence to Lauryn Hill, that I noticed right away.

I nodded towards her, "Wassup."

"Hey baby, I was just showing Goldie and her niece you and Prodigy's baby pictures." My mom said with a wide smile on her face. Tears were streaming down her and Goldie's cheeks, they're faces were glued to the pictures.

Here we go.

"Hi, I'm Time." The girl stood up with her hand out. I shook it firmly, analyzing her appearance. She was wearing a tight-fitting denim dress with brown sandals. Her braids were long, touching the end of her waist. She had silver jewelry on and her nails were bright red.

She was very pretty, I thought again.
"I'm D." I responded. She sat back down and picked up her iPhone XR.

"You okay, mama?" I asked kneeling down to her.
She hugged me around my neck, "Yeah, baby I'm doing fine. Sorry, I didn't even tell you. This is-"

"I met her already ma." I interrupted sitting on the brown couch across from them. "Okay, well she just moved here. She is attending Florida State."

I nodded, "That's was sup."

"Yeah, I came from Georgia." She added.
I nodded again, "Welcome to Miami, well, y'all I'm going to go on and head out." I started to get up. I already knew what time they were on; it was pity party time, and I couldnt take it.

"No, Divine you just got here. Sit down, I cooked."

I shook my head, "I really should get going, I was just checking on you-"

Goldie looked at me sternly, "You know today is hard for all of us... she needs you."
I looked at my mama, and she hit me with a small smile.

I sighed. I just wanted to go home and smoke the day away. Get my mind off this shit.

I didn't want to allow myself to sit in sadness for too long, and I know all my mama and Goldie was gone do was cry all damn day. But if it makes my mama smile, I'll stay for a minute.

•••
"He was so smart my Prodigy. He was so good at math." My mama pointed to a picture of baby P writing his numbers in school.
I chewed on my bacon, checking my social media as they shared memories.

"Awe, who is that?" Time asked pointing at a picture of me naked in the tub.

"That's Divine." My mama laughed. "Fat self."
Time looked up at me, then quickly looked back at the photo album smiling.

I shook my head, "Mama, you ain't have to show her a picture of me but ass naked." I said eating my eggs.

"Boy, hush. Can't nobody even see you under all of them bubbles. You used to love bubbles, wouldn't get in the tub without em"

I rolled my eyes. "Aww my baby, Prodigy at his basketball game." My mana whined.

I continued to scroll down Instagram but stopped when I felt body heat next to me. I looked over to see Time sitting next to me.

She giggled, "Sorry, but my aunt told me to talk to you since you were so quiet."
I looked up at Goldie, and she side eyed me and mouthed "talk" Before giving her attention back to the pictures.

"She's worried you're burying yourself in your emotions by being anti-social. She thinks it's a toxic coping mechanism." Time added.

"She told you all that?" I asked.

She shrugged, "I might've added the toxic coping mechanism part."

I chuckled, "I just choose not to make myself sadder." I replied.

"I'm really sorry about your brother, by the way." She said sincerely. She flipped her braids and looked me in the eyes, "My dad passed away last year, so I understand." She told me looking down.

I nodded, "Appreciate it."

I really wanted to leave now her and her auntie trying to trick me into some therapy session.

"I got to go." I said while getting up.

"Oh." She replied.

"I got to go mama; I love you." I told her walking over to kiss her forehead.

She got up and hugged me again, "I know it's hard, baby. I know. I love you, and Prodigy is always with you."

I sighed. "Okay, mama."

I had to go, I couldn't take the depressing shit no more.