ishq lost & found

48; Sorrows

Ranya was not over anything that had happened, from finding out he told Sana about Salman, to Saad accusing her of talking to Salman, and the last straw being his hurtful confession. Those three things had been driving her insane, and showing up to her house one day wasn't going to fix it magically. There was so much that had to be addressed, but it seemed futile.

Spending yet another day at home, Ranya was surprised to see that Saad had reached out again, as soon as he had gotten home. After she had declined his request, it seemed to have caught him completely off guard. Did he really expect her to fold that easily?

After he left, visibly defeated, Ranya had decided to have the chai for herself and continue on with her plans. She couldn't keep moping around and being unproductive, even if the thoughts running through her mind were making her lose sleep. It was hard to put into words how she had been feeling, and devastated simply doesn't cut it.

It was like watching a dream of yours shatter right in front of your eyes. It's like nearly having what you wanted, getting the opportunity to experience it to a degree, but then realizing it was nothing more than a childish, romanticized wish. That is what her relationship with Saad felt like.

She had feelings from him for years, her youth spent pining after him, wondering what it would be like had he felt the same. All those moments where it was almost like he felt the same, all the times he emphasized how much she meant to him only for him to abandon her entirely. Then, he comes back, and somehow, once again, she's foolish enough to let her anger go and expect something different from him. But it seems that people never change, and Saad was no exception.

Hearing the buzzing of her phone, she broke out of her trance, realising she had to move on from the events that took place a couple days ago. She had been wondering if she had done the wrong thing sometimes. Maybe she shouldn't play so hard to get? Maybe she should give him a chance and hear him out, maybe she should be mature and bring up everything that had been bothering her. But then she realized that most of the things he had done to hurt her, weren't little moments that built up. They were huge transgressions on his part, and if she had to spell them out for him, maybe he wasn't the one.

Turning the phone right side up, to see who was calling, she rolled her eyes at the name. Since she had sarcastically asked Saad if it took 5 days to remember he had a wife, suddenly it was like he was trying to prove a point. He had texted her a couple of times, telling her to pick up. He kept saying they can't just ignore each other, especially reiterating that in his voicemails. He sounded tired, but that wasn't enough.

Saad had been far more than just tired. He was exhausted, and it was really starting to show. Suddenly the goatee had turned into a bit of a beard. Nothing long, he still managed his appearance, but he didn't look the same. He did seem stronger, buffer, taking his frustration out at the gym, pushing himself harder than ever before. He had always been someone that loved the gym, since he could focus on something other than his personal problems. It was his escape.

Lately he felt like he had more to escape than ever before, spending hours running or lifting. He still had the dark circles, but somehow he made them look good. One of the many things that irritated Ranya about him.

Throwing his dirty gym clothes to the side, he took a quick shower, hoping that when he'd check his phone again, maybe Ranya would have replied. The anticipation was driving him insane, having him checking his phone like an addict. Every now and then, no matter what it was that he was doing, he'd have the urge to grab his phone and see whether she had responded.

But it was silent, and that was driving him insane. Since he had visited her, and she had flat out refused to come back, Saad hadn't had a moments peace. He thought he liked living alone, that became his norm the moment he left for college. But as soon as they got married, living alone felt like a death sentence. And it wasn't just that he liked living with someone, it was that that someone was Ranya. Just knowing she was near him, closer than ever before, was enough to have his happy and satisfied. She may have even hated him, but if he got to be with her in some form, he'd rather that than nothing at all.