Tomatoes. ➭ Cyno X OC [Hogwarts AU]

pity. || sixty eight.

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[Ainsley's POV.]

"What about math?" Nora's classmate, Sara asked, taking her glasses off.

"Pretty low." I responded. I just wanted to chat with Nora and Serene a little before they had to head to their elective but here I was, being reminded that I was failing in academics.

"How much? Tell me, you know we won't judge." Sara went on, I got the urge to scream at her to get her ass out of my face but I didn't. She still was a good friend of mine nevertheless how annoying she could get.

"Yeah, we all got pretty low ourselves too." Serene attempted to assure me.

"Fine, A." I immediately looked away with a sigh. From O's, to E's to A's now. What next? P's?

"A? Why?" Sara blinked. So much for 'we don't judge'.

"A for Ainsley, so that's probably why." I shrugged, waiting for the bell to go off.

Please, I can't hold it for much longer.

"No but seriously why? I thought you were good at math." She continued. "Wait, is it because of your little argument with Cyno?"

Why does she know that?

"Don't look at us, Kaveh announced it to everyone when we asked him about the black eye he had." Serene raised her hands up to make peace.

"Didn't know you could actually punch people." Olivia added.

"If they deserved it, why not." I did feel bad for hurting Kaveh. I didn't intend for it to be too impactful. My dad was fine when I used to play punch him.

That reminded me, I needed to apologise.

To Kaveh, yeah that is obvious but to Cyno as well.

"I'm such a lost cause.." I mumbled once Sara left to talk to some guy.

"No, hun. You're doing good. Take it easy." Nora smiled. Lies. We all know that good was far from my current state.

Well, lies do comfort some people. As long as they're unaware of the fact, that is.

"I'll try." But I'd play along.

It was not a good feeling. The one when you state even the littlest of inconveniences you're facing and everyone around you makes a big deal out of it.

Like you could just have burnt your toast and they'd go, "it's okay, you're like the best in blah blah, so pretty like more blah blah"

As if it makes so much sense for you to be insecure.

So much pity. Too much, even.

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"I still haven't figured out what to do." I sighed, complaining to Kuro.

This moment was a great example of the loser I've become. Even my damned cat doesn't want to hear me whine, seeing that he jumped off my lap, down towards some shark to that Cyno probably got.

Cyno was everywhere in my room, it was hard to not think about him because of that.

He was there on the wall, as the painting he made of me. On the floor, as the times we sat down to study. On my bed as all the cuddles and sleepovers. And on myself even, as a part of my heart.

Everything around me had turned itself into a reminder of him.

Letting the loneliness engulf me, I descended down against my headboard. I did not bother to even change out of my clothes, still wearing a plain white tshirt and some dark green pajama shorts.

Honestly, I was dumb for wearing that shirt. It was too thin, my dark green bra was visible. I only noticed after I got home.

But at least, my pants matched with my bra. I would've looked less stupid.

I scooped my phone from the table, trying to call someone. I didn't like how it felt to be alone.

Scrolling through Instagram, no one was active. Except for Olivia but I was not a fool to tell her my problems. Given her history, she would probably take advantage and try to break us up as a whole.

I went onto Snapchat, trying to find someone there, when a few snaps from Tighnari received an hour ago caught my eye.

He doesn't usually use snapchat...

I opened it and there were videos. Of his ceiling. What?

I played it in confusion. There was a voice saying something, but it wasn't clear until about 3s into the snap.

"...so mad, really." Cyno's voice. "Not her, but myself. I should've been more considerate with her, she's mentioned having trouble opening up about things."

Oh, now I understood why Tighnari sent me snaps out of nowhere.

"Instead I let my worries take over. I was probably not very trustworthy as I wanted her to feel. I should've ended with that thought but I voiced it out and look where it took me." Cyno's voice was full of an unknown emotion. It was remorse, I knew but hearing it in Cyno, it seemed unknown.

"It's just best if you say all this to her rather than me, don't you think? It's still not too late, go-" The video ended, cutting Tighnari off.

It wasn't long before tears pooled my eyes. I began recalling. Cyno had no doubt always been by my side. Every moment, no matter what happy, sad or furious. He had always made sure to give me a hand to hold onto.

But what have I done in return? I know nothing about him, at all. Yeah, maybe stuff like he prefers the bitterest sort of dark chocolate or that he has an obsession with his little card game.

Except for all the trivial stuff, I don't know anything. Of course I don't. I was always thinking about me and myself only, I don't think I've ever done the minimum like asking if he slept well.

If there was anyone that wasn't trustworthy, it was me. I didn't deserve him in the slightest.

But that didn't stop me from wanting him.

Selfish, yeah, but I would somehow get him back. Make myself worthy of him, if that's the problem.

I fiddled with the blanket in thought when the door swung open.

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I was kinda insane while writing this chapter so it's likely it all sounds dumb.

-RJ<3

(word count: 1035.)