𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐒𝐤𝐲 ✓

Epilogue (Second Part)

White.

That's the only color I see. The table and chair are white, the bed is draped in a white sheet, and even the pillows echo that starkness.

It feels bitterly cold. The comforter is inadequate against the chill. I have no way of knowing if it’s day or night, but honestly, it makes no difference. Time loses meaning here; whether it’s daytime or nighttime, I’m overwhelmed by a suffocating heaviness in my chest.

My eyes can't cry anymore. My tears dried, and I didn't see any reason to fight. I don't mind anything. If I live, I live. If I die, that's much better. I just want... to stay cooped up in bed and get lost in nothingness. I want to stay asleep to escape this pain. I just want... to completely abandon myself.

"Your mother will visit you today, Miss Farida! Isn't that great? I heard she was bringing a friend of yours!" Sharlene, one of the people who always came in here said happily as she tried to put food in my mouth.

I looked away to avert the spoon. Eating? What the fuck is that? I don't feel hungry. My stomach can't feel empty or full anymore. The only thing I want to fill in this rotten body is the devoid space in my chest. 

But how can I do that?

"You should eat, Miss Farida. Magtatatlong buwan ka na rito, kapag umayos na ang lagay mo, makakasama mo na ulit ang mga mahal mo sa buhay."

If I get out of here, where will I be? Will I be in Papa's manor? Or Papa Simon's mansion? If it's the latter, what's the point? How can I stay there without Angelus? Everything is useless now.

"Please, eat. You shouldn't starve yourself, Miss Farida." 

Nanakit ang aking ulo at hinampas ang palad sa lamesa. I glared at Sharlene and found her calmly putting the food down. Since my arrival, they have taken steps to remove anything that I might use to harm myself. That's why I'm resulting in this.

I want to fucking die! So why are they doing this?!

Itinuro ko ang aking kama sa kaniya. Sinulyapan niya iyon bago dahan-dahang tumango. She pushed a glass of water between us. 

"Then, can you at least drink this?" 

I want to be left alone; that's why I drank it. After that, she left my room with the tray of food she brought for me. I glanced at the bed. It's small and looks lonely. 

Tumayo ako at lumapit doon. Ngunit imbis na humiga, nanatili akong nakatayo sa tabi nito at tumitig sa kama. I stood there motionless as I listened to the voices of other patients outside.

I looked up at the white ceiling, and I felt my stomach hurt. Not because of starvation, but because of the grief crippling in my system slowly plaguing me again like a virus. I didn't blink. Even once. I let my eyes stare at the fluorescent light until they hurt.

When they did, I fell to my knees and tears started coming out. Just like that, I can cry again. I buried my face in the foam of my bed as I cried silently, gripping the sheet. It's so pathetic that I had to do this just so I could cry.