Cyber ~ 5sos

n i n e t e e n

Ecstacyrush's POV

The thing is, I wanted to tell her.

I didn't want to lead her on for so long, because the more I did, the more our friendship grew.

But I couldn't let her fall into the trap of trusting me.

Not after what I'd done.

But if I carried on, she wouldn't suspect a thing.

Maybe she'd never even have to know.

Because this way, nobody was getting hurt.

I sit up in my bed, my phone providing the only artificial light in the room. It was 4:12am and here I was, eyes sprung open, mind thinking thoughts a normal teenager shouldn't think.

I open up the chat with Grey0mnivore, staring at my latest unread messages. It was clear she hadn't been on the chat in a while. She hadn't responded, or even acknowledged my messages.

I begin to type, my hands sweating. After hearing what I heard in music today, it made my blood boil, it make bile rise in my throat.

Yet I knew it would get to her.

I wanted her to suffer because of him. Because of how sick in the head he is.

Because she sided with Louis. Because she got associated with Louis. Because she almost slept with Louis.

Louis ruined me, and it was my turn to ruin him.

But the only way I can do it is by destroying everyone around him.

Even if that does include the girl I felt a protection over.

I had a protection over her, but who was I protecting her from?

I'm trying to protect her from myself.

The monster enclosed under my skin.

Ecstacyrush: Louis clarified Fran was a better fuck than you'd ever be.

I hastily press send and pull at my hair angrily, gritting my teeth together.

Why did I just say that?

Why am I still doing this?

I'm a living breathing reason for someone else's sadness.

-

I sit on my bed, thinking and contemplating my whole life, weighing up whether it was really worth it.
And coming to think of it. It wasn't.

Maybe if I just took this orange bottle. And replaced my sadness with pills. Just then, maybe it would all be over.

I squeeze hard on the sides of the bottle, the cap finally releasing, and I twist it off. Suddenly everything goes in slow motion, like a faded blur. I stare down the vessel of the bottle, pill upon pill, but as I go to reach into the bottle, my laptop pings.

I drag it over and flip up the screen.

Grey0mnivore: Thankfully I care more about my dignity than my reputation of being a 'good fuck'. I hope you realise, I don't care.

Isabella's POV

Even if it was the biggest lie I had ever told, it was worth it, Ecstacyrush read the message but never replied. He had never not replied before. It was almost as if he had just died right then and there.

It felt like victory.

But what didn't feel like victory was knowing that these rumours were true.