Cyber ~ 5sos

f o u r t y t w o

I used to think about my situation with Louis like a chapter which had ended and a new one beginning, in fact, I thought of my whole life like this.

But it's all a lie.

A chapter never ends, no matter how much you try and push it away, for how long you try to resist thinking about it, chapters never end.

I thought of my father was more like a closed book, sewn up wounds, the damage had been done but it was in the past now. I wasn't required to feel scared about my every move, to look over my shoulder as I walked down the street. In my eyes, I was free.

But freedom never lasts. And neither does the chapter. Knowing my father was now out of prison sent shivers down my back and created such a discomforting feeling that I physically felt sick.

It was now late evening and after I apologized to Molly and Mason for sending them away, I realised it was the right decision. I wouldn't have wanted them to sit around and drip feed me while I come to terms with the monster himself being released back onto the streets. With them gone, I didn't have to think about it.

I was just glad my father didn't even know where on the planet I currently was. Or why another family are now living in our old townhouse. I guess that's karma.

I soon after drew myself a bath and stayed in there for what seemed like hours. The only thing which made it bearable was then looking at my hands to find them looking like raisins where they had soaked up half the bathtub of water.

I still don't know why I find that so funny.

I finally conclude that it was time to get out. I sigh, wrapping a towel around my body and quickly attempt to towel dry my hair. Once back in my room, I sling on a loose white top and grey pyjama shorts finally concluding there was no way I was going to step out of my apartment that night.

Thankfully for me, Sydney was currently sat under a low hanging mist of cloud shadowing the whole city under a rare weather change.

I walk back towards my kitchen to pour myself a drink before I'm interrupted by the sharp ringing of my buzzer. I knew Molly would come back at some point.

I brush past the buzzer, buzzing her in before carrying on with my previous task of getting a glass of water. I reach the sink, looking down at the plate roughly chucked in the bowl of the sink. Did Mason really eat before I had even come home? How long was he here for?

I pick it up and open the dishwasher as I hear the door open. 'Molly' I shout. 'Can you play some music please? I think the docking station is still-'

'Belle'

The plate slips from my hand, crashing on top of all the other plates in the dishwasher and I snap my head up at the recognition of the voice.

'What are you doing here, Luke?' I reply shortly, crossing my arms. The last thing I needed right now was to be lectured about how sorry he was. 'Or should I call you Ecstacyrush?'

His face falls and he begins moving towards me blank faced. He shuffles around the island in the middle of the kitchen and stands at the other side of the dishwasher. 'Will you give it a rest?' He sighs, picking up the plate and placing alongside the others.

'You didn't answer my question' I reply, leaning on the edge of the kitchen counter. I wasn't really sure why I was so calm about him being in my apartment. If this was a week ago, I would have kicked him out quicker than I can say 'fuck off'... Although I probably would have said that as well.

It feels like it been so long since I had seen his face, and instead of blocking out the pain, or focusing on the pain, I just let it be. I'm not sure whether it's because of the recent events of my father or just purely the fact I was too tired to care tonight, but I kind of enjoyed Luke's company.