Cyber ~ 5sos

t h i r t y o n e

This is no love story, this is the untold truth of a delusional soul.

Revolved around the admiration of misery.

Fuelled by by the land of mistreatment.

Trust is used as a weapon, and a girl as prey.

This is no love story, this is story of a fucked up mind.

The fucked up mind I fell in love with.

It turns out everyone has a secret, if they dont, you haven't searched deep enough. If you pull apart at the seams, and rip through the guards built up you will eventually find it. Hidden behind the loathing feelings of lust and guilt, there it lies.

It turns out my whole life and everyone I love is based around secrets. This was no episode of Pretty Little Liars, this was the real world. And it was 10x times more painful than I could ever imagine.

My lungs were now overcome with restrain, pulling and yanking at my system causing my ability to breathe futile.

I kept telling myself that this wasn't reality, this was some parallel dream leading me away from the truth. But as soon as I woke from my delusional mind, the truth hit harder each time, knocking the breath out of my secluded lungs and ripping me from all happiness.

And that was how my life went, that was all it ever consisted of.

There was no time in my life where I felt completely secure with my happiness, it was always slipping through my fingers. It was one of those things i could never quite grasp hold of, because in all honesty it was never quite there.

But I hoped now it would be.

A few days later

The only person who knew I was leaving was Dylan. I couldn't trust anyone else. I could never trust anyone ever again.

I couldn't breathe being in the familiar surroundings which caused me such torment.

I couldn't bring myself to tell Molly why I had been so down, or why I hadn't been eating. For the past few days, I was just aimlessly breathing, just kind of sitting there.

The only way I can describe it is like when you're all cried out, there are no more tears which yearn, there is nothing left to show your pain. You just end up sitting or lying there, just breathing.

The sobs are beyond gone and your cheeks are tear stained, the pain still hurts as much as it did when you cried, but now there's just nothing.

You are simply just inhaling and exhaling.

And that's all I had been doing.

All the emotion in my body had drained, or maybe it hadn't... Maybe there was just too much of it that my body shut down. Leaving me powerless and paralyzed, tattooed with my reality.

I ddint know how to function, my whole life had been a lie.

It really had.

The one person who I gave my life to, whom I trusted with everything I had. Damn it even the person I was stupid enough to loose my virginity just fucking threw it all back in my face.

Sometimes you listen to a song, and it's catchy and you like it. But then the deeper you look into it, the more it begins to have meaning.

Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger, the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

I never really understood what these lyrics meant, they just used to seem like a collection of words to me, but now it all makes sense.

I would have taken a bullet for Luke, done anything to make sure he was safe, yet the whole time he was the one shooting the gun. He was the one I was trying to save him from. He was ecstacyrush.