It All Started With A Creepy Mail ⚊ Yang Jungwon [#4]

✗ forty ✗

⚊ chapter forty

Stepping out of school, I instantly regretted not bringing my car. I'd gotten so used to catching rides with Minji, Jungwon, and sometimes even Chenle. They’d each become part of my everyday rhythm without me even noticing.

Now, walking along the busy street on my own felt strangely foreign. I used to walk alone all the time, didn't I? Yet here I was, feeling like I’d somehow lost my footing, left adrift in the sea of strangers passing by.

But it wasn’t just the emptiness around me that felt strange.

It was the buzzing in my mind, a tangled mess of thoughts about the people who had changed my world bit by bit—SD, who’d opened a door for me, introducing me to people like Minji, Rei, and Jungwon.

And then there was Jungwon himself, who had this way of looking at me that made me feel like I was... someone. Like I mattered.

But that feeling only made me ache more. The more I thought about him and the rest of them, the more overwhelmed I felt. Especially after what Hera and Soodam had said, those words cutting me down in ways I hadn’t even realized were possible.

I tried not to think about it, not to let their words sink into my mind, but it was like trying to ignore an alarm blaring in the distance.

The harder I tried to silence it, the louder it got, ringing out in my head, mocking me.

And then the guilt came crashing over me. Minji and Rei… How could I have snapped at them like that? All they’d tried to do was help, to support me when I was down, and yet I’d pushed them away.

The look on Minji’s face kept replaying in my mind, that shock and hurt etched into her eyes. They’d been by my side through everything, and I’d just… I’d shut them out.

What kind of friend was I?

I glanced around, the unfamiliar faces and the rush of people around me making me feel more out of place than ever. It was like I didn’t belong anywhere, like I was a stranger here.

I could picture myself looking up and seeing a sign I’d dreamt of in every country I’d lived in before, for example a sign that read: YOU ARE EXITING SOUTH KOREA AND DEPARTING FOR HOME.

The Philippines. Home.

But even thinking about that didn’t bring the comfort I thought it would.

Because, the truth was, these past few months, I’d felt something like belonging here. Like maybe, for the first time, I was building something that wasn’t just temporary, something that wouldn’t slip away the minute I got too comfortable.

And here I was, at risk of losing it all because of my own fears, my own insecurities that I couldn’t seem to escape.

So I kept walking, letting the sounds of the city drown out my thoughts, my steps quick and aimless. I didn’t know where I was headed, but anywhere seemed better than standing still.

I looked up, catching the gaze of some older people passing by, and felt a strange sting in their glances. It was as if, without a word, they were saying I didn’t belong here in Seoul.

Just like what Hera and Soodam wanted me to feel.

A knot formed in my throat as the words of those two rang in my mind, louder than the city’s bustle around me.

My eyes started to blur with the weight of it until I felt myself bump into someone. I muttered an apology, not even looking up, but then I heard a familiar voice.

“Jillian?”

Chenle. Of course, he’d be the one to show up right now.

I forced myself to look up, and his face shifted from surprise to immediate concern. “Are you okay?” he asked, scanning my face with worry.