Fallen

26. Not Again..

The boy stared at his husband as he spoke his name. Charlie, who was normally well versed, was at a loss for words.

"Why- why didn't you tell me about this?" Nick asked through gritted teeth, clearly frustrated.

Charlie shook his head, trying everything to not let the tears fall. "I-I'm sorry!"

"No, Charlie!" Nick let out an exasperated, desperate sigh. "I don't want an apology, I want an explanation! You promised you would tell me if you ever even felt like cutting.."

"I won't do it again-"

"Shut up, Charlie!" Nick snapped. Charlie froze, scared to move a muscle. He hadn't heard Nick shout like that in ages.

"I-I just.. You're never- you-" Nick spit out words between fast breaths. He hugged Charlie and collapsed in his arms, broken.

Charlie hugged back, still quiet for his husband.

"I.. It's been years since you cut. But now you cut again and I just worry that.. I worry that you're never gonna get better." Nick sniffled as he sat up to properly speak.

Charlie nodded. He truly hated to see Nick like this; it was like looking at a sad puppy. Charlie cupped Nick's face, not minding his scruffy beard. "I felt the urge to cut because.. I felt like an awful dad. I-I wanted to tell you, so.. So you could help me stop because I didn't want to get addicted again, but.. " Charlie trailed off, looking down as his hand's drooped to Nick's shoulders.

"Why'd you feel like a bad dad? If it was David, I swear to fucking everything-" Nick said, started to get frustrated again.

Charlie stroked his hair in an attempt to calm his husband down. "It-it wasn't just him, so.."

Nick huffed, wanting to pull his hair out just at the thought of his brother. "Mhm.. Go on."

"Please don't worry too much because if you worry, I'll worry, and then I'll be more likely to do it again.." Charlie mumbled, his hand now squeezing Nick's in an extremely tight grasp.

Nick nodded, swallowing his words. "I do want to ask.. If you want to go to therapy again. You haven't been in a while." Nick said softly. He knew Charlie could get very triggered if he thought Nick was trying to 'save' or 'fix' him, but Nick was just concerned for his baby, Charlie.

Charlie shrugged. "I mean.. Maybe. I'll think about it tomorrow." He said in that, soft, sad tone that broke Nick's heart so much. As Charlie started to get up to go to the bedroom, Nick grabbed his arm.

"Please stay.." He begged, giving his husband those puppy eyes he knew Charlie couldn't resist, even after all these years.

Charlie rolled his eyes and then cuddled into his husband's lap.

"I love my Char cuddles." Nick mumbled to himself as he buried his face in Charlie's neck, shutting his eyes as he relaxed.

Charlie wished he could only be half as relaxed as Nick was, but to no avail for Charlie; his overthinking kept him up. Although Charlie was stressed, he felt a strong arm wrap around him, and he held onto it, trying to be as physically close to Nick as possible.

The couple fell asleep in each other's loving embrace. Charlie knew he should probably go to therapy again, but he didn't want to think of that right now. This was normally how the pattern went:

Tomorrow

Later

Later

Later

Tomorrow

In the morning

At dinner

Later

I'm busy

I don't want to think about that now

Later

Tomorrow

Later

Never.

Why would Charlie want to talk or think about his mental health again? The last thing he wanted was to have to go back to the mental hospital; not because of being away from Nick, but because of his kids. What would Oscar and Harper think if they knew their dad was in a mental hospital because he can't eat and he cuts himself to make him feel better? They would hate him, they would think he's a pathetic and weak father. At least, that's what Charlie thought. He knew his kids loved him and that thought would probably never even cross their minds, but it was a possibility.

Why am I like this? Was the last thing Charlie Nelson-Spring thought before drifting off to sleep in his husband's arms.