The Girl Next Door • Carl Grimes

Chapter 96: Shine On

Grace

During the days following Beth's departure, I was staying in her house. It was really empty. No Maggie. No Glenn. No Beth. It was like a haunted house, only I wished that there were ghosts. Because then, maybe, I could feel like they were still with me. I wouldn't be as lonely.

Beth's house was one of the only one's with a mattress still in it. I'd been spending most of my time hiding away under the covers in her bed because it smelled like her. I started to regret everything, like not moving over here with her. I just couldn't believe that she was gone.

Carl came by quite frequently, trying to get me out of the bed or trying to get me to eat something. I didn't. I couldn't. It was almost like none of it was real. Like maybe if I pretended enough, that she'd come back.

But of course she never did.

***

On the fourth day, something inside of me changed. I was finally getting out of her bed. I'd locked up the house so that nobody could get in, so I unlocked it. I was rushing around the house finding any and all of the weapons that there were. Knives, swords, axes. Whatever.

The front door creaked open and I saw Carl walk in. "Grace, you're up." He looked surprised to see me moving around.

"Yup." I replied.

I stuffed everything into a bag and I brushed past him, making my way to the front door.

He put his arm out in front of me, stopping me from continuing out the door. "Woah, what are you doing? You going somewhere?" He looked at me, puzzled.

"I'm going to kill Negan. I'm gonna fight him. You guys can come with me or not, I don't care." I pushed past him. "Maggie was right on that very first night. We need to fight him." I turned to Carl.

"Grace-" he sighed.

"What? You gonna try and stop me?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"No, not at all. I was just going to say that I'm coming with you." He placed his hand on my arm, keeping me from walking away. "Look, while you've been over here everyone's been talking about it. Even my dad." He trailed off. "We're gonna fight them. We're leaving for Hilltop today." He explained.

"Hilltop?" I muttered under my breath, like there was something that I was forgetting. And there was, Maggie.

"Oh god... Maggie..." a sigh escaped my lips. I'd been so busy feeling sorry for myself that I didn't even consider Maggie. She just lost her husband, and now her sister. All because of Negan.

"I didn't even think about her. God, I'm so selfish." I sat down inside, resting my head in my hands. The guilt was building up inside of me.

"How is any of this selfish? You lost someone." Carl sat down beside me.

"So did she. She's lost more than me." I said, feeling like my experience wasn't as important as her's.

"Don't say that. We've all lost a lot. That doesn't make it better or worse for anybody." Carl looked upset, almost like he couldn't believe I was saying such things.

"It's going to crush her." I thought about Maggie once again. A sick, scared, alone, and pregnant Maggie.

"It's not going to be easy." Carl let out a sigh, sounding more honest now than he did before. He was done sugarcoating things, he knew how strong I could be.

"I'm gonna kill him, Carl." I stood up and headed towards the door with the bag slung over my shoulder.

"Yeah, we will. Let's go." He followed behind me.