Uncertainty

Chapter 4

Alex's POV;

Alex had been taken back by Tobin's appearance. Although the Midfielder had always been beautiful in her eyes, she seemed particularly different today. Maybe it's because it had been so long since she's last seen Tobin, but it seemed more than that. Her once shoulder length hair was now well past her chest, and much lighter. Tobin's tan glowed darker, despite Paris' cooler climate. Her brown eyes seemed deeper & warmer than before. And her smile seemed to appear alot more frequent (if that was possible). It appeared to Alex that Tobin's time in Paris treated her well, and she couldn't tell if Tobin's positive vibes were in direct correlation with seeing Alex again, or just being home. She hoped for a combination of both, but she'd like to think she played a large role in Tobin's happiness. She glanced at the older girl next to her for a moment, who met her gaze at almost the same time. Alex gives her a playful smile, and receives one back. They don't need to exchange words for the other to know that they're just happy to be in each other's presence.

"Where are you taking me to eat, superstar?" Tobin asks, glancing down at her phone with a smile still plastered on her face.

"Well you're the guest of honor, where do you want to go?" Alex shoots back, raising a brow playfully at Tobin.

Tobin tilts her head to the side, as if she's pondering her thoughts. By this point in their friendship, Alex knew what Tobin was thinking just by her body language. Simple gestures could tell Alex exactly what the midfielder was wondering or thinking about. Tobin was like a book to Alex. Her favorite book. A book that you get, and read over and over. And with every read you discover something you might have missed the last time, no matter how small that something is.

"How about you cook for me?" Tobin speaks suddenly, interrupting Alex's wandering mind. Her voice less confident with this question, than it was on her previous one.

Alex feels a small grin creep onto her face and she replies hesitantly, "You know I'm the greatest cook in all of Portland" She says, patting Tobin's bare knee with her hand.

She feels Tobin's leg immediately tense at the contact, and she retracts her arm quickly. She looks up to Tobin's face & even in the darkness of the night she can see the midfielders cheeks redden. At this sight, Alex feels her own cheeks heat up too. As she grips her hand that feels on fire, on the gear shift.

"Yeah- uh," Tobin begins before straightening up in the seat & clearing her throat, "You make a pretty mean Hot Pocket" She says, now less tense and this allows Alex to feel more at ease to, releasing a small sigh from her lips.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much the next Masterchef" Alex jokes stretching out in her seat a little bit.

"So Lex, how's Serv doing?" Tobin asks curiously, and really unexpectedly. Alex can feel herself getting more nervous by the second. She hasn't thought about Servando since she saw Tobin's deep brown eyes at the airport. She hadn't thought about Servando for a while now to be honest. The truth was, things with Serv appeared great. To any unsuspecting eye the 2 looked inseparable & very much in love. But that's quite the contrary. Serv's feelings for Alex are genuine, but sometimes Alex's feelings for him feel quite, forced. She's never 100% comfortable around him and is always unsure if her desire for him is anything past a friendly level. Sure the sex was good, but it wasn't the best, and Alex never initiated it. To be honest, she usually had to force moans and screams just to convince Servando that she was enjoying it. She can't gain the courage to end things with him, but seeing Tobin again makes her build up that strength. She doesn't know how Tobin feels about her, but she's pretty sure it's nothing past friendship. It's hard for Alex to keep her romantic thoughts about Tobin in the back of her mind, especially when Tobin looks as good as she does right now. And she would be lying if she said she didn't moan Tobin's name a few times in bed with Serv, but he never seemed to notice. And if he did, he didn't care. Alex knows that confessing her feelings could change everything, and that's why she held it back 5 months ago. But maybe now she's ready.

"We're, uh good. Yeah great, actually," Alex begins a bit shaky. And she automatically regrets her answer. "Really good" She finishes.

Tobin peers at her, furrowing her brows at her, a small frown forms on her face.

She hears Tobin clear her throat and watches her rub her face with her hands. "Are you sure?" Tobin asks, genuinely.

"What?" Alex says, narrowing her eyes and looking straight ahead at the road in front of her.

"Are you sure everything's good? I know you Lex, I can read you like a book. And your answer seemed a bit. I don't know; shaky. Maybe it's just me and I'm imagining things. But if something's going on, I'd hope you'd tell me" Tobin says, in a more serious tone than their earlier conversations. As she fiddles with her long, slender fingers nervously.

Alex doesn't know if nows the time to tell Tobin about her uncertainties, but she's scared if she doesn't now, then she never will.

"Do you mind if we talk about Servando later? I'd like to hear about how you've been right now" Alex answers honestly. Feeling a bit relieved but nervous at the fact that they're going to have to have this conversation again at some point.

"Sure Lex, yeah. I've been good I guess. Paris is fucking nuts. You wouldn't believe everything that happened to me while I was there," Tobin begins, shaking her head and smiling. "Working with the coaches there sure was a trip, and I always got yelled at for saying "wee" too much. I never really learned any other words. Except for a few slang phrases. But, besides soccer the people and culture are absolutely beautiful. And I would love to take you there one day & just explore everything" Tobin says, blushing again, but still keeping a goofy grin on her face.

Alex blushes at the thought of exploring the City of Love with the beautiful girl beside her. She imagines waking up in a beautiful hotel room wrapped in white sheets, as she glances over at Tobin's bare golden body reflecting the light from Paris' morning sun. She'd wake up and make Tobin something to eat; so that Tobin could wake up to the smell of bacon and eggs. Then they'd go into town and take pictures with all the breathtaking sights while encountering new people, and just enjoying each others company. Then they'd go home after a long day of exploring the town and Alex would make sure that room service had brought the most expensive wine on the menu for her and Tobin to share as they examine Paris' night sky on the balcony of their room. As Alex snakes her arms around Tobin's waist from behind, and pulls her close to her, resting her chin on Tobin's shoulder. Before peppering soft kisses all over Tobin's neck and jawline, letting small moans escape the older girls mouth, and then...

"What are you doing, Alex?" She thinks to herself, wiping the grin off her own face.

"I would love to go to The City of Love with you," Alex begins, grabbing Tobin's hand in her own playfully and shaking it around. "As long as you promise we can see the Eiffel Tower from our hotel room" She bargains, peeking over at the midfielder beside her, examining a small grin that appears on her face.

"Of course, of course. Only the best for Miss Alex Morgan" Tobin says playfully, rolling her eyes in a joking manner.

Neither of the girls seem to realize their hands are still linked together after about 20 minutes pass. Until Alex looks down again. She doesn't pull her hand away, and neither does Tobin. She smiles at the contact & continues to drive back to their apartment. A comfortable silence fills the car. No words were needed to express the comfort and happiness that both girls felt, by just being together. Every chance Alex got she would look down at their intertwined hands and smile to herself. Until she felt Tobin's thumb rubbing the top of Alex's hand. Alex felt butterflies erupt in her stomach, but then dissipate as she realizes how comfortable and safe she feels in Tobin's grasp.