The Public Stunt

Episode 26: Talk

"We. Need. To. Talk," Jarren said with all of the firm tone on his thick british accent.

I crossed my arms and raised an eye brow at him. Wishing that this facade I am pulling off will last longer. Kasi grabe na ang pagwawala ng puso ko laban sa dibdib ko. Sobra na iyong pagpipigil ko ng mga luha ko nang magtama ang mga mata namin for the very first time after two days of not seeing and talking with each other.

"Ano pa bang dapat nating pag-usapan, Jarren? 'Di pa ba malinaw?" I secretly heaved a deep breath, calming myself because my heart is pushing me to hug Jarren so tight, "tapos na tayo, wala na tayong dapat pag-usapan dahil ayoko na sa 'yo."

Those words... are like knife on my chest. The more I let it out, the more it stabbed me. Namalayan ko na naman ang mahapding kirot na kumakalat mula sa dibdib ko.

Jarren's jaw clenched, "well if you are done with me, news flash; I am not."

Naningkit lang ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Wala akong maisagot. Nang bumukas ang pinto ng elevator ay magmamadali na sana akong lumabas para iwan siya pero agad niya namang pinindot ang close button. Then he diverted his fingers at clicking the button of the highest floor.

"Ano ba?!" Magkasalubong ang mga kilay ko, "bakit ba ang kulit mo? Bakit ba ayaw mong tumigil--"

"Because I love you, Sofia!" He cut me off.

Natigilan ako sa lakas ng kanyang boses. I was intimidated. This is the very first time he yelled at me, or I ever see him yell like this. Ever.

"I still love you even if you are treating me like a trash now!" He continued with now beads of tears on his widened eyes, "I fucking love you that I don't care much about what to feel 'cause all I care right now is to have you back!"

Patuloy akong natahimik. I looked away. Iniwasan kong tingnan ang kanyang mukha dahil alam ko na ano mang oras ay talagang maiiyak na ako. I can't let him see that I am also hurting because that will just motivate him to have me back. Pero paano kung hindi ko talaga ito kayang mapigilan pa?

"Now, you have to talk with me," the door of the elevator opened and I felt how his hands gently hold mine. Oh, God knows how much I miss to feel his soft and warm palm again.

Naglakad kami sa hagdan patungo sa rooftop. Walang nagsasalita. Hinayaan ko lang ang sariling magpatianod sa kanya. Patuloy kaming naglakad hanggang sa huminto ang mga paa namin sa gitna ng rooftop. The cold breeze of January started to hugged my arms. But I suddenly didn't mind it the moment my eyes landed to Jarren's flaming gaze.

"We need to settle this," he said while tightening his grasp on my hand, "let's fix this. Let's fix us now. I want you back, please give me another chance to have me back in your heart."

I looked away again. Binabawi ko ang kamay ko pero hindi niya ako hinahayaan, sa huli ay napagod na lang talaga ako at hinayaan na lang siya sa trip niya.

I stared right into his eyes. I am trying hard to find the right words to tell him. Gusto ko siyang saktan pa pero alam kong kapag ginawa ko 'yon ay hindi na kakayanin pa ng puso ko. I might just end up crying hard while saying it and it will just sound so unreliable.

"Hindi tayo pwede, Jarren," I finally said. Bumuga ako ng malalim na hangin, "alam mong hindi tayo pwede. Mahihirapan ka lang. Mahihirapan ako. Mahihirapan tayo."

He is just staring at my eyes while shaking his head no.

I continued, "may ka-loveteam ka. Hope and your fandom will definitely kill the shit out of my career if ever they found out about us. Hindi pa nga nila alam na tayo na talaga in real life pero nasisira na ang career ko, what more pa kaya kapag nalaman na nila ang totoo? Alam mo naman sigurong ito lang ang pangkabuhayan ko. Ito lang ang bumubuhay sa akin--"