The Public Stunt

Episode 25: Seven Days

Seven days...

Seven days have passed.

Seven days without Jarren by my side.

Seven days with me, alone, left in the darkness of the same ground where I left him.

Nakakatawa lang. Ako 'yung nang-iwan sa ere. Ako 'yung sumuko. Ako 'yung nagtaboy. Pero bakit... bakit sobra akong nasasaktan? Bakit para akong talunan dito na naiwan mag-isa?

I hate the pain on my chest. It's pestering me non-stop. I have to busy myself with other things but when the thoughts of Jarren's face came rushing on my mind, wala na. Para na naman akong siraulo na basta-basta na lang mapapahagulgol nang biglaan. Niyaya ko pa ang mga eagirls kong makipag-inuman sa akin pero na-imbyerna lang sila dahil ako lang nang ako 'yung lumalaklak ng alak.

Nakakabadrip na wala akong magawa sa hapdi na palaging namamayani sa dibdib ko.

After that night, hindi ako sinukuan ni Jarren. On the very first day, 'di niya ako tinantanan sa pag-doorbell. I even had to go out of my condo unit and snob the shit out of him para mag-stay na lang muna doon sa residence ni Mama Cece. I chose to stay there dahil hindi alam ni Jarren kung saan nakatira si Mama Cece.

Second day came and his persistence grew more. 'Di niya ako tinantanan sa pagtawag niya sa cell phone ko. I had to keep my phone off, pero nung wala na akong choice, nagpabili na lang ako kay Kiwi ng bagong sim card.

The third day arrived and I clearly have no choice but to block him in all of my social media account. Hindi niya pinatahimik ang mundo ko. He has his ways, he even used Kiwi to contact me and I told the kid to just block him.

But when the fourth day came, wala na akong choice kung hindi ang makasalubong si Jarren. It's Thursday and I have to attend my dance rehearsal for ASAP this Sunday. Ito na lang ang show na mayroon ako. At kahit na ayoko sana munang mag-perform dahil sobra akong na-drain sa nagdaan na linggo, no choice kasi kailangan ko 'yung gig. Kailangan ko ng exposure bago ako makalimutan ng mga tao.

"Can we talk?" Jarren mumbled once he entered my dressing room, "please?"

Sobrang malalim ang kanyang mga mata. His eyebags are so prominent that he is looking haggard than his usual look.

I pointed my eyes at Kiwi and gestured her to just leave Jarren and I alone. When she went out of the room, I threw Jarren my cold stare, "wala na tayong dapat pag-usapan. Tapos na tayo, Jarren. Tapos na ako sa 'yo," the last words I mustered is poison on my mouth. It affected my chest and now, I am feeling that flaming pain again. Bullshit.

Napatingala sa kisame si Jarren. Huminga siya nang malalim. Nang muli niya akong tapunan ng tingin ay nakita kong may mga luha nang pumapatak sa kanyang mga mata. I bit my lower lips. I tried hard to prevent myself to let a single tear drop to my eyes. Hindi ko pwedeng ipakita sa kanya na nasasaktan ako. Na sobra din akong nasasaktan.

Pero hindi ko na ito kinaya pang pigilan nang lumuhod siya sa harapan ko. His sobs started to be loud. My tears are now brimming down my cheeks as the pain on my chest became so unbearable for me.

"Sofia... baby..." Jarren's staring right into my eyes with those asian eyes of him that is now flooded by his unending tears. He shook his head, "I am begging you, please... don't leave me. Please, don't break up with me. I love you... I love you so hard that having you out my life never crossed my mind. I love you that--"

I cut him off, "bakit? May magagawa pa ba 'yang I love you mo sa nangyayari ngayon sa career ko, Jarren? Mababalik ba niyan 'yung Project na dapat, pagbibidahan ko?"

I am aware that what I am bursting is so immature but I have to do this. Alam kong hindi ko ito dapat sa kanya isinisisi. Pero kailangan ko na itong tapusin. Kailangan ko nang tanggapin na hindi talaga kami pwede kasi maraming tao ang maaapektuhan kapag pinagpatuloy pa namin ito. Kailangan ko na siyang ipagtabuyan bago pa ako mismo ang lumapit sa kanya at makipagbalikan.