My Own Way

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Standing in front of Blake's door...I felt numb.

I could hear his TV through the door and him talking. He was having a conversation but I couldn't hear anyone else.

I felt ridiculous just standing here and not doing anything, intruding on Blake's life.

I kept telling myself to keep it together but for some reason my tears didn’t want to listen. I kept wiping them away with the back of my hand but I couldn't control them.

I took a deep breath, knocked on the door and did my best to fix my eyes.

The door opened and there was Blake looking as great as ever, still wearing his uniform from work, holding his telephone.

"Hi!" He said, surprised.

"Hi."

He opened the door enough so I could come in.

"Hey man, I'll call you tomorrow." He said to the person on the phone.

"No but another time...maybe." He said with a small smile looking at me.

I walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Yeah bye." He said and hung up.

"I didn't think I'd see you this soon." He said smiling looking at me. "Miss me that much eh?"

I tried to talk but no words would come out. I felt the tear building up and I hoped they wouldn't fall.

"Amanda? What's going on?" He asked and I could hear how genuine he was.

I felt a tear go down my cheek and I wiped it away as fast as I could.

What are you doing?! I screamed inside my head.

He sat down next to me and placed his arm on the back of the couch.

"Hey, talk to me." He whispered.

I shook my head, talking was the last thing I wanted.

I brought my eyes up and looked into his. I could see worry and...pain maybe but I wasn't sure.

I placed one of my hands on the side of his face. He was so close...I knew I was going to break the 'rule' but, right now I didn't care.

I brought my face to his and kissed him but he wasn't kissing me back.

I pulled away to look at him, bringing my hand off his face as well and he slowly shook his head.

Was he refusing me?!

I guess he saw my confusing so he started to talk.

"We're not going to do this. It's not because I don't want to, believe me I want to but, I don't want to go back to the way things were with us." He said.

"It's not." I told him. "I just... I just want to forget, just for now..."

"Amanda talk to me, please. Let me in..."

He said and another tear escaped my eye.

"You wouldn't understand." I said while shaking my head.

"How do you know if you don't try?"

"Because I know... No one understands except one. I don't want to talk because I've talked my whole life and nothing changed except when I'm with you. You make me forget." I said. "Is that enough for you?!" I yelled.