the stars in your eyes | t.s. one shots

in its own good time

"And the stupidest part is that even after all this, I still believe in soulmates."

She sighs with the admission, her hands wrapped around a mug of steaming peppermint tea. It really does seem like a crazy thing to say. With what her life has looked like lately... she's got every piece of evidence to allow her to become a shriveled up cynic. She'd lost a six and a half year relationship which ultimately, by the end, she knew wouldn't go anywhere. Then, she rekindled what can only be called a 'situationship' from a decade ago, against the warnings of everyone in her life. She fell hard and fast, stupidly and honestly thought that was the end of all the endings. In only a month, they'd ran their course and he ran to the mountains. On the other hand, Taylor was shaking on the kitchen floor, tears streaming down her face and her heart shattered.

After watching what she's been through, nobody would have blamed her if she'd have bought a few more cats and resigned herself to a life without anyone standing beside her. God, look at how successful she's been on her own. The life that she's built. Lord knows she doesn't need a man.

Still, she knows that there's more to life than that. It's about companionship, it's about loving people. While that's not just in a romantic way, humans were built with the capacity to love in many ways and she wants to experience all of them. And man, she really wants to believe that she will. At least, she's trying really hard to believe it.

Taylor expects Blake, across the room, to accuse her of being foolish when she says those words. She might even shake her head, roll her eyes, or laugh. Instead, a soft smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "Of course you do. That's what makes you so incredible, Tay. It's because nothing could ever waver your belief in that. True love and soulmates and all."

"You don't think it's stupid?" Taylor's words are soft and quiet, as if she's almost afraid of them. Her eyes are wide and blue as they stare across at her friend.

"Of course not," Blake shakes her head. "And Tay, I promise. Your guy is out there, really. Maybe it's coming soon. Maybe it's today. You never know."

She lets out a bitter laugh. "I'm on tour for the next two years of my life. There's not a soul in the world who is going to want to subject themselves to that. Plus... I don't go out. I can't use fucking Tinder or whatever. I can't even talk to a guy without it making national headlines. I don't know how I'm going to find him."

"I don't know either Tay, honestly," Blake says, "but I know that you're going to, and it'll happen in its own good time."

It'll happen in its own good time. It's a phrase that Taylor has heard too many times over the course of her life. Everyone tells her that she'll find the one when she least expects it. There was a time when she believed it was true. When her whole world was falling apart and it seemed like the only person who could understand it was Joe Alwyn. When her reputation couldn't have been worse, he managed to see a side of her that nobody else did, short of her family and her few true friends. Those were certainly revealed back then. Blake was one of the ones who was unwaveringly by her side.

While it didn't happen when she wasn't expecting it, it also never happened to her when she was searching. Back when she would lay awake at night, fantasizing about her perfect man and sorting through the list of guys she had interacted with lately, trying to figure out which ticked the most boxes. No, that certainly didn't get her anywhere... other than asked to leave a Kennedy family wedding, that is. She still cringes at the memory, but does laugh, knowing that someday, it'll be a story she passes along to her grandchildren of one of the crazy things she did when she was young.

Her stomach twists in knots at that fleeting thought... her grandchildren. If she doesn't hurry up and find this soulmate she's holding out hope for, she might never have those. Truth of the matter is that she isn't getting any younger, and she's painfully aware of that. While a few years ago, Taylor didn't feel ready to be a mother, she does now. She's done a lot of maturing and healing. She has figured out her own routines for privacy on her terms, not on anyone else's. While she'd never be able to give a little one a perfectly normal life, Taylor really does think she'd be able to come pretty damn close.