Halcyon

January's Gamble (Version I)

A/N: Because I am a sadist. Haha, no, I wanted to try a story-like version about a love-story. Am I having this story out in as a short novella? Hmm, maybe. Maybe not. Till then, I'll let January gamble, lol. Just to be clear, January's Gamble is Her POV, December's is his POV, and between December and January, is where the secrets lie. *sigh and sigh*

Long before the end,
he stood at the apex—
a place I believed was meant for me,
but I faltered,
just a breath,
a delay that changed everything.

He was there,
so high,
cloaked in success,
and I, far below,
gazed with quiet resentment,
as if fate had teased me with something just out of reach.

Then, time moved us—
our worlds collided,
seemingly by accident,
but it felt inevitable,
like pieces of an unfinished puzzle finding each other.

A text, simple,
light,
casual,
a fleeting "Hey"
became the thread we both held onto.

Days turned to nights
of long calls,
nights that bled into mornings,
conversations bare and real,
but only enough to leave us wanting more—
a dangerous dance.

The harmless flirting
carried weight,
unspoken boundaries crossed,
and with every word
we pulled closer
without meaning to.

I knew the truth,
knew that what we shared
was never meant to be,
not with the walls we built between us,
not with the things that held us apart—
our differences looming like shadows.

Still, I was drawn to the intensity,
to the rush of every interaction,
the narcotic pull of a flame
that was always so close to burning out.

But by December, it was all too real—
the game, the power plays,
the subtle push and pull
leaving me breathless
and uncertain,
but believing,
just for a moment,
that you felt the same.

I knew I should step away,
but every glance at my phone
was another thread I couldn't cut,
searching for a glimmer of something more,
hoping against reason,
against myself.

Then, January arrived
with a chill.
The warmth we once shared faded,
and I felt you drifting—
a distance I couldn't ignore.

I sent my words into the void,
careless texts,
attempts to reclaim what we had,
but the silence grew louder.
Each reply was colder,
fainter,
a single word or nothing at all.

I miss those days,
those heady moments of December
when everything seemed so effortless,
but deep down, I know the truth.
This is not the one I need.
This is not the person I search for
in the vast quiet of my own heart.

I feel the thread break,
not completely,
but enough to make me question—
why,
why do I still look for answers in silence?

Is it because, deep down,
you too caught something—
caught feelings I was never meant to awaken?
Or am I just tricking myself,
holding on to something that was never meant to last?

Every text feels like a gamble now—
a dangerous bet,
and yet,
the moment the phone rings,
I still find myself hoping.
Still finding pieces of myself
in you,
even though I know,
I know,
this isn't what I need.

You may have distanced yourself,
but the question remains—
did I step too far into a situation
where emotions were never meant to stay?

********