Halcyon

honest exit

oh, look, I am back

at my moral crossroads of the night,

my mind replays the exact moment,

I chose one of these roads,

just to cruelly remind me,

of the three other roads

as choices, that could and would

have lead to you.

but, laugh at me,

I chose the one that lead me

away from you.

I left with love still in my hands.

Walking away felt like theft.

I didn't stop loving you

I just stopped staying.

Leaving felt like failing a

promise I never made out loud.

I chose myself and called it necessary,

but it still felt wrong.

There was no villain

which made the leaving heavier.

I keep wondering if pain would have been kinder.

I learned how to exit

without slamming the door

it still hurt.

I left carefully,

as if care could undo damage.

The room remembers me as someone who didn't stay

I love you in past tense

only because present tense was impossible

I hope one day this guilt loosens its grip

not because I was wrong,

but because I was honest.

If love could have saved us,

I would still be there.

I left even though I loved you.

That's the part I live with.