Halcyon

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I entered the room
already hollowed out,
yet my pulse surged
at the sight of your message
late, lazy, almost mocking my respect,
and still I clutched it
like a starving thing
grabs crumbs.
That's the shameful truth
of what you've made of me.

I carved myself down
to fit inside your shadow.
Crawled across the barren stretch
of your silence,
barefoot, bleeding,
begging for a sliver
of your gaze.
You were the wound
I kept reopening,
as if pain itself
could somehow
turn into healing.

I strangled my own voice
so yours could ring louder.
Look at me,
shattering my pride
into bite-sized pieces
and laying them at your door,
when they were meant
to build my throne.
I crowned myself queen
of a sandcastle kingdom
you could destroy
with a single indifferent wave.

I shouldn't have bent myself
into impossible shapes,
but I hurled headfirst anyway.
Heart on sleeve, throat exposed,
oh dear god, why did I ever let you
hold the knife?

You offered love
from an empty cup.
And still you bit the hand
that fed you warmth.
Look at us,
slipping, cracking, unraveling
on the thinnest ice known to man.
Tell me, tell me,
are we the fools
playing with fire,
or is the fire
playing us for sport?

My devotion kneels,
when it should just pack its bags
and flee far away, for my own sanity.
My dignity runs down the gutter
like ink in relentless rain.
Piece by piece,
my respect, my voice, my self
I lose them all
to a love
that just won't be
quelled.