Halcyon

The Right Wrong

I Know It Is Wrong

I know it is wrong,
The way your eyes find mine,
The way they linger longer than they should—
With a sparkle of hope, a glimmer of longing.

I know it is wrong,
The way your head whips around when I laugh,
Not at you, but at someone else's joke.
The way you frown, wondering what went
Wrong when I made the same joke.

I know it is wrong,
The way we start from scratch again—
Words of promise and assurance not to break
The promise, the trust, and ourselves
In the process of so-called "friendship."

I know it is wrong
That I am always the first to break it.
Not because you are uncool, or unworthy,
Not because you are always there
In a way that becomes suffocating. Uncomfortable.

I know it is not wrong—
Because every single time, you make me uncomfortable,
By expecting more than I can give,
By talking more than you should,
By crossing the line—though I probably never remembered to mark?

Maybe you'll find someone who,
One day, will be the "girl" of your dreams—
Who will like you for being your quirky, eccentric self,
And will see you for who you are.

Until then, I know I am the sadistic Villain,
The narcissistic friend an enemy should not befriend,
A pathological shamer.
Yes, all of that. Maybe even right.

But here, I make this choice—
Consciously and self-aware.
I know it hurts you; it hurts me more—
Violating my values, and morals.

But for now,
I know it is right.