Halcyon

the starlet's paradox

a smile in the camera, a gleeful pose,
thought I'd found a diamond in the rough,
under the blessing of the blizzard blue moon,
hoped, I finally contrived to have someone
under my blissful, joyous spell,
but, oh, it turned out to be just,
ashen, ebony, bottled smoke.

I swear, I did not ride the high horse,
nor did I hang out the flag,
so, why me, me, God?
I thought I had finally managed,
to cut the Gordian knot,
but, oh, look, here I am,
tilting at the windmills, just again.
I didn't jinx my luck by painting the
devil on the white-washed wall, this time,
but, oh, wait, did I just?

with a millstone around my neck,
I promise to spend an eternity in Carey Street,
I'd pay through my nose, sell my soul,
in an unbothered, unflinching instant,
just to have a morsel of a grandiose life,
that's all fine and just mine,
where happiness chooses me,
over and over.

did fate decide to flog a dead horse?
or was I too blind to be able to
know chalk from cheese?
thought I had set Thames on fire,
until destiny chose to take the
gilt off the gingerbread.
shall I go on a tempting, ravishing bender?
or will that throw the helve after the hatchet?

the gilded cage consumes me further.
my people cease to see the pyrrhic victory.
"you have everything," they taunt.
"as rich as Croesus," they easily affirm.
but who'll tell them I am as miserable as Job?
"my, my, look, your cup overflows with fine wine," they ridicule.
if that was the truth of the highest order,
why, why, why, God, am I still unimaginably thirsty?

my life was supposed to be shimmery.
it turned out to be only a
beautiful, distant mirage,
one moment it's there,
making you believe it's there.
but I didn't even require
an abounding rivulet to be there.

and when I implored for a drop
to quench my acrid thirst,
it chose to evaporate,
leaving a barren, infertile desert.
my people said I was fighting imaginary dragons
and calling the bruises proof of being alive.
who'll tell them? Not me, for sure.
or I'll just lose the
fraction of sanity
I've contrived to hold.

please, please, please,
let me have a happy ending.
and when lightning struck again,
I thought I had found the diamond,
But, oh, it's lost again.

what's left behind is my clown smile,
which also chooses to abandon me
behind the veil.
and I am just gazing
into the vacant mirror,
with a shattered gaze.

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