Words

Kill These Emotions

Here I go again, trying to avoid his gaze. Here he comes again, with that mischievous smile. Stay away from me. Go away.

"Hey, Cas," he greeted then playfully punched my arm. "How're ya?"

Seems like I couldn't do anything. I just smiled but didn't answer. Here goes my heart again... pounding so loud. Dang it.

I fell in love with him... this hard. I hate it. I really hate it. The moment I realized I've liked him, things began to feel awkward for me.

"Why are you so quiet, Cas? It seems so unusual." Or so you say. I've been quiet for quite a long time now because of my realization that I've fallen for you. You just keep on bugging me, idiot.

"Just shut up. I'm not in the mood to talk," I said with a hint of annoyance in my voice.

He pouted his lips like a kid and folded his arms. "You don't like me anymore? I know you're rude but that one's a bit harsher than usual."

Dang, he's too cute. I can't help but smile but fought against it so I could keep up my composure. I fished my phone inside my pocket and turned my back against him. Where the hell is she? She left me alone with him on purpose! For what? So I could confess my feelings for him? Not gonna happen for Pete's sake! She knew me very well yet she left me alone! I hate her for that! I dialed her phone number. It keeps on ringing but she's not answering it! Dang it. She did this on purpose.

"Cas!" he called my name with some sort of frustration in his voice. "Did I do something wrong? Does my bullying affected you this much? C'mon! That was just a joke!" He tried to grab my arm but I instinctively avoided it. He was about to say something but I cut his sentence off.

"Ace," I whispered his name then looked at him straight in the eye. "I know I am unreasonable most of the time but could you please stop pestering me right at this moment? I'm in a situation where I need to be alone and face this crisis head-on." And this 'crisis' I am talking about is you... my feelings for you.

His face softened. He showed me his smile and patted my shoulder gently. "Well, if you need some help, I could be of help."

I just smiled and walked away from him. He didn't bother to chase me anymore. Well, because he knew he's not the reason why I'm like this but he really is the reason why I'm feeling this now.

Falling for such a nice friend is even harder when he does something for me. Even if it's not that special; even if it's so simple in the eyes of everyone; even if... even if he's my friend. There are so many girls who tries to be with him. I'm always jealous of that but he's just too friendly with other girls and I do not have the right to feel this way.

I fell in love with such a cute guy who is kind to everyone. That is why I always get the wrong idea; that is why in the end, no matter how hard I try to avoid this emotion, I find myself loving him even more; that is why I've expected too much even when he just treats me as his friend.

I need to avoid him yet I want to be with him.

I need to stay away from him yet I ended up hanging out with them.

"Yo , Cas!"

There she is.

"Mia, why did you leave me alone?" I asked.

She smiled. "Simple. I just want the two of you to talk. Am I bad for being the cupid here?"

"That. Was. Not. Necessary," I told her with gritted teeth and shot her a death glare.

She laughed then shook her head. "And you keep on swearing you'll tell him how you feel yet you end up not telling him. How coward," she teased.

My face reddened. "It's hard especially when there's something to lose!" I argued.

"Friendship?"

I stiffened. Yeah. I'm afraid to lose him... our friendship... our bond. I think when I confess, we will be back to being strangers or even worse than that. He'll avoid me like I've got some contagious disease. I'm afraid of that. If we're not this close, I could have confessed long ago. But we're friends. He's my friend. I don't want to ruin that relationship.

"I know you well, Cas. Just be a man and tell him how you feel!"

"Literally?" I asked her sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes. "Shut it."

I shook my head with a smile. "You know why I didn't tell him?" I said silently.

"I'm listening," she said in a sing-song way.

I smiled weakly. "I'm not ready yet. Maybe someday. Maybe one of these days. But, not now."

"So, what do you want to do, then?"

"I want to kill these emotions," I answered.

She laughed mockingly. "How can you kill emotions? Gosh, you're hilarious!"

"I don't know."

Once again, she rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Seriously?"

"This might disappear one day."

"...and what if it won't?"

I smiled. "Then I have to face the consequences."

She was taken aback but smirked. "Good luck with that."

"Yeah."

This might take long. But I will forget these emotions someday. Maybe not now but someday, it will. I'll still be with him. Just being with him is okay with me. He's my friend. I'm his friend. That won't change no matter what. So, I will keep these emotions bottled up inside me and throw it away when the time comes... well, if I am brave enough to open up, who knows?

----------------

This is somewhat a true story but I made it all up. Haha! Yeah, another short story.

SamanthaBruno