Words

041418

it's exhausting having you in between.
i want to pull you in close,
i really want you to be mine.
but i was holding myself back.
because i thought it was better this way.
i was even planning to let go once you recovered
because it's better that way, right?
i love you.
but i can't have you.
and that's okay.
as long as i don't lose sight of you,
and i don't lose sight of myself, too.
you told me you are in between
wanting to pull me in too close
and staying like we used to.
but i never thought i was this possessive.
i want you all to myself,
i want the broken pieces of you for myself.
i want to be the one who will mend you.
i thought i was ready for this madness i've put myself into.
but i guess i was too arrogant.
and you were too considerate.
i thought you never needed me anymore,
that's why i planned to end things.
but when i was about to spill,
you're already letting me go.
I thought I decided.
I don't want to get attached anymore.
But why?
Why is fate cruel to us?
Whenever I decide to let go of you,
You're the one letting go.
and I can't help but tighten my grip.
because, fuck,
I guess I don't want to lose you after all...
not this way.
So I'll tighten the grip once more,
I'll be here while Death tries to take you away from me again.
I'm going to wait for you.
I know you're already tired.
I know you don't want to fight anymore.
but you told me you want to live.
I can't let hell take you away
when the heavens had given you a chance
to live.
fate is really good at making me realize things.
I guess I'm nothing but a tainted angel,
and you, a demon with broken wings.
I told you we'll survive this fall.
but I guess we somehow hit the ground too hard.
I kinda thought we'll pull it through.
and now here we are.
too many wounds.
exhausted.
dejected.
lonely.
and pained.
but still, I stood up,
no matter how painful everything is.
I am still reaching my hand to you.
because I promised I'll be here
no matter what.
and I want you to be here
with me
regardless of reasons.
I know you don't want to get up anymore.
I know you don't want to fight anymore.
but you and I have come this far,
and I'm with you.
so, please, don't shy away from this fight.
I am still, aren't I?
you and I promised that we won't leave each other.
I am still holding on to that promise.
so, please,
survive.
live.
take my hand.
I won't leave.
I won't run away.
so, please.
live.
for me.