Words

I Thought

I saw you reaching out for me. Telling me it's okay for me to take your hand. Comforting me. Telling me you'll cheer me on. Telling me I'll be okay.

I didn't utter a single word.

I was swallowed by my own darkness that time. And the words that would come out from my lips would probably taste like a rusted steel on my tongue. It tasted so awful, it made me want to not speak.

So I looked at you, eyes longing for answers. Eyes longing for something I probably wouldn't get. Because you speak with roses and the fragrance that escaped from you lips isn't some ordinary perfume. It smells so unique, I almost got caught in your trap. I can see vibrant colors around you when you speak. It made me wonder if you are really a human being or just some sort of a wonderful creature who lives in another dimension or in another world

But you're not.

You're just an ordinary human being.

Then why am I so flustered and doubtful?

Why would you help me?

I looked at your eyes and saw nothing but concern. And I was baffled and at the same time, scared. Scared of what that means.

Why would you do this?

I cannot speak the words I need to properly convey because I can't seem to rip off the seal I casted on my lips.

Why?

The voices in my head are laughing again. Mocking at me. Telling me to not say anything because my words are like a blade that could cut anyone's spirit. My words could kill a person. My words would kill many dreams.

The words that would escape from my lips can rip you apart.

So I stayed silent.

Why?

I am never good with words.

Why?

I always say the wrong things.

Why?

I ruin everything.

Why are you still here?

And then, heck, you smiled at me. Your smile sent shivers down my spine. The uncertainties in my head vanished. The voices were silenced.

And then you whispered softly to my ear, "I don't care if you might say the wrong words. Just tell me everything. I will accept it. So, don't lock yourself up in that tiny box you consider a comfort zone. It will not help you. And if you're afraid, just tell me. I will hold your hand and together, we will face it."

I bit my lips, trying to say something. But there's nothing but a lump on my throat. But still, I tried to speak.

Just four words.

"Will you be okay?" I whispered in a tiny, silent voice.

You once again smiled. "Okay or not, it doesn't matter. I'll listen to everything you have to say."

And in that moment, I feel like the heavy weight on my heart vanished.