Jaylen Evans

ISS - 1st Day

I arrived at school and I already felt like I was suffocating. The room was small and silent with rows of desks filled with kids who had messed up. A single teacher Mr. Grayson sat at the front watching us like a hawk. No talking. No moving around. No breaks.

My leg bounced under the desk, my fingers drumming against the hard surface. The walls felt too close. My body buzzed with restless energy but there was nowhere for it to go. I tried to focus on the worksheet in front of me but the words blurred, shifting and twisting on the page. My head throbbed. I pushed the paper away and it went into the floor
Mr Grayson: Jaylen get back to work
Jaylen: I can't
Mr Grayson: try harder
Jaylen: you try harder
Mr Grayson: that's enough. Get back to your work and shut up
My breath came faster. My skin was crawling. I needed to move. If i didn't, i was going to explode.
Jaylen: I need a break
Mr Grayson: No breaks in ISS
Jaylen: please just 5 minutes
Mr Grayson: No!
I slammed my hands against the desk pushing myself up
Jaylen: can't sit here like this!
Mr Grayson: Sit down, now.
Jaylen: I got one of those adhd plan things. I'm allowed a break
Mr Grayson: adhd isn't real. It's just an excuse for bad parenting. Now sit down and do your work!
Jaylen: fucking prick
Mr Grayson: what was that?
Jaylen: I called you a fucking prick
Mr Grayson: carry on and I'll send you to the principal

I forced myself back into the chair, jaw clenched so tight it hurt. For the next five hours I sat there trapped in my own skin, every second winding me tighter and tighter like a bomb waiting to go off.
The bell finally rang for the end of the day.
Mr Grayson: Hannah, Jayden, Liam and Jaylen I'll see you tomorrow
Jaylen: fuck off
Mr Grayson: Miss Kenny wants to see you
I walked out slamming the door behind me.
Jesus: come on mom is here. Mama has a meeting
Jaylen: I have to see Miss Kenny. I'll walk home
Jesus: mama might be able to give you a lift
Jaylen: I gotta go. I'm already in enough trouble
I walked to Miss Kenny's class
Ryan: oh look who it is
Jaylen: fuck off Ryan
Ryan: or what?
Jaylen: I'll smash your fucking face in
Miss Kenny came out
Miss Kenny: Jaylen in now! Ryan go home
Ryan walked off and I walked into the classroom and sat down
Jaylen: I'm sorry. He just pisses me off
Miss Kenny: I know but we need to walk away and keep calm
Jaylen: Can I go now?
I was just pacing up and down the class room
Miss Kenny: yeah but come and see me tomorrow
Jaylen: mhm
I was walking home and I took the back roads. I saw some kids dealing so I went over
Jaylen: yo you got a 3.5?
??: I don't sell to kids
Jaylen: bro you're a kid. Come on
I showed him $20 and he gave it to me
Jaylen: safe
I put it in my pocket and went home

Stef pov
I had brought all the kids home and Lena and Jaylen were still at the school. Half an hour later Lena walked in
Lena: Jaylen home yet?
Stef: not yet
Lena: well where is he?
Stef: I don't know
Jaylen walked in and stormed into the kitchen, throwing his backpack onto the counter with a loud thud. Me and Lena looked at each other with concern
Lena: Hey honey. How was
Jaylen grabbed a glass from the cabinet slamming it onto the counter harder than he meant to. It shattered. Lena flinched.
Stef: Jaylen—
Jaylen: I couldn't move!
His hands clenched into fists at his sides,
Jaylen: He wouldn't let me move!
Stef: Whoa. Slow down
Jaylen: I can't!
His breathing started getting heavier and I knew it was only a matter of time before he exploded.
Lena: let's go for a walk. Let's go calm down
Jaylen: stop fucking talking
He grabbed a chair and shoved it backward, the loud scrape of wood against tile piercing the air. He knocked over the salt shaker. The cereal box. The fruit bowl. Anything in reach.
Stef: Jaylen. Stop
He shoved the kitchen stool so hard it toppled over with a loud crash.
Lena: Jaylen!
Jesus, Mariana and Callie walked in
Stef: you guys give us some space okay
Jaylen: I hate this! I hate school! I hate being like this! I hate everything!
Me and Lena exchanged a quick worried glance.
Lena: Jaylen sweetheart. You're overwhelmed
Jaylen: No fucking kidding!
He harshly ran his fingers through his hair
Lena reached out slowly
Lena: Let's go sit down
Jaylen: DON'T TOUCH ME!
Lena stepped back her eyes sad but understanding.
Stef: Alright. You need to burn this off
Jaylen: No shit
Stef: Go to the backyard. Run. Punch a pillow. Something
Jaylen hesitated
Lena: Jaylen listen to her. You're stuck in fight mode. You need to get this energy out
Jaylen's whole body trembled, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. Then he turned and bolted out the back door.

Lena pov
Watching him in this state was heartbreaking. We were watching him from the window running laps around the garden. Then when he couldn't run anymore, he grabbed the punching bag we had set up for Jesus years ago and swung. He kept hitting until his body began to slow and his knuckles were bloody. Brandon had ordered takeout so I went and told Jaylen
Lena: we got takeout
Jaylen: I'm not hungry
Lena: you need to eat kiddo
Jaylen: are you deaf? I said I'm not fucking hungry
Lena: it's in the kitchen if you want it. I'll leave you alone
Jaylen: good
I walked out and went into the kitchen
Jude: is Jaylen eating with us?
Lena: not tonight
Brandon: he okay?
Stef: tough day at school
Jaylen came in and I plated him up some food. He sat down and was just pushing the food around. He barely touched his food. I could see his leg bouncing under the table and his other hand was fidgeting with the glass of juice in the table. I could tell he was getting a little overwhelmed with all the noise
Lena: Jaylen you wanna take your food upstairs?
Jaylen shoved his chair back with a sharp scrape.
Jaylen: Not hungry
Stef: Jaylen, sit back down
Jaylen clenched his jaw and his hands balled up into a fist
Jaylen: I said I'm not hungry
Jesus snorted shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth
Jesus: Dude, chill
Jaylen: I can't chill
Jesus: Okay, well, maybe don't be a jerk about it?
Lena: Jesus enough
Jesus rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath
Jesus: Seriously, it's not that hard to sit through dinner
Jaylen suddenly lunged. His hands slammed into Jesus's chest shoving him back against his chair.
Jesus: Whoa dude what the hell?
Jesus shot up from his chair, muscles tense, eyes flashing
Jesus: You wanna fight me now?
Stef: Jesus sit down!
Mariana had frozen, eyes wide. Callie's fork was still in midair. I was already moving stepping between them
Lena: Jaylen. Look at me. Jaylen take a breath
Stef: Jesus go to your room
Jesus let out a frustrated noise but backed off shaking his head as he stormed upstairs. Jaylen just stood there breathing heavy
Lena: Jaylen kiddo. I need you to breathe
He squeezed his eyes shut forcing his breath out in sharp and uneven bursts
Lena: you're not in trouble but you need to come with me, okay?
Jaylen: No

He went upstairs and we finished eating and Jesus came back down. After I went to Jaylen and Brandon's room. I knocked on the door
Brandon: yeah?
I walked in and Brandon was doing homework and Jaylen was laid in bed staring at the ceiling
Lena: Jaylen can we talk?
Jaylen: No
I could tell he was getting wound up. He got and walked off and I heard the front door slam shut. I went back to my room
Stef: that Jaylen who left?
Lena: yep
We both went downstairs waiting for Jaylen to come home. After a couple of hours he came back smelling of weed
Stef: are you serious?
Lena: go have a shower
He went upstairs. Me and Stef went to bed and Jaylen walked in.
Stef: You had a shower?
Jaylen: mhm
He sat on the edge of the bed
Jaylen: I'm sorry
Lena: I know
Stef: Jaylen, we're not mad. But we need to figure out a better way for you to let it out before it gets that bad
Jaylen: I tried. I tried to hold it in
Lena: I never want you to hold it in okay?
Jaylen: but he wouldn't let me move. He kept telling me off. He was saying that I couldn't have a break. I said about the plan and he said that
adhd wasn't real and it's just an excuse for bad parenting
Stef: he what?!
Lena: I'll have a word with him tomorrow
Jaylen: can I have suspension with someone else?
Lena: I'll see what I can do
Jaylen went back to his room and me and Stef were just talking. We fell asleep but I was woke up by footsteps downstairs. I went downstairs and Jaylen was packing up and down throwing a tennis ball against the wall
Lena: You're still stuck, huh?
He nodded
I reached for a pillow and handed it to him.
Lena: Squeeze this
Jaylen: What?
Lena: It helps. When Jesus used to get overwhelmed he'd hold something tight. It made him feel more in control
He squeezed it hard his fingers digging into the fabric.
Lena: Good
Jaylen: I didn't mean to push him
Lena: I know
Jaylen: I don't know how to stop. It's like it builds and I can't—
Lena: That's because your brain is moving too fast for your body. It's not your fault Jaylen. But we have to find better ways to let it out before it gets this bad.
Jaylen: I don't know how
Lena: We'll figure it out. Let's get you to bed

Jaylen pov
I went upstairs to get ready but I couldn't focus. My mind kept bouncing from one thought to the next. I tried to brush my teeth but then i got distracted fixing the toothpaste cap. I went to change my shirt but then i noticed a loose thread on my pajama pants and started picking at it instead.

By the time i actually got into bed, my whole body still buzzed with leftover energy. My mind wouldn't shut up. I went to Lena and Stefs room and sat on the edge of the bed
Lena: You're not going to sleep are you?
Jaylen: I can't
Lena: Okay. We're gonna try something different
Lena got a bottle from her bedside table
Jaylen: What's that?
Lena: Melatonin. It's just a little sleep aid. It's not medicine but it might help your brain slow down
Jaylen: I don't want it
Lena: That's okay. It's your choice
Jaylen: Will it make me feel weird?
Lena: Just sleepy. That's all
I took the tablet from her hand and swallowed it.
Lena: Proud of you