Emotions

251 6 0
                                    

Jay pov
Jaylen had fallen asleep so I took him up to bed and I went to my room, finished my work and went to sleep.
My sleep was interrupted by my phone going off. I checked the time 4:52am and then my phone
Seizure Activity Detected
I then heard a thud. I jumped out of bed and hurried down the hall to Jaylens room where he was on the floor currently seizing. I waited for it to slow down before turning him onto his side. The convulsions stopped. After around an hour he started coming round
Jaylen: not feel well
He went pale so I ran to get the bin on the other side of the room. I made it back just in time. He threw up then started crying
Jaylen: I don't like it. Make it stop
Jay: sorry kiddo. Get it all out and you'll feel better soon
He threw up a few more times before going into an absent seizure. He had about 13 in twenty minutes. He became more alert.
Jay: you want to go back to bed or have breakfast?
Jaylen: s-sleep. You stay
Jay: okay
I laid down next to him and he put his head on my chest
Jay: we need to talk about this Jaylen
Jaylen: mhm
We both fell asleep.

I woke up and Jaylen was still asleep. I got a shower and ready then made breakfast.
Will: morning dumbass
Jay: morning carrot top
Will: he still asleep
Jay: mhm. Had a very eventful 24 hours
Will: what happened?
Jay: well his social worker rang me and said that they have found a few foster families for him but none are in Chicago. I told Jaylen this and that he can't stay with us because of our jobs. He had an anger outburst and then he walked out the house. I gave him some time to cool off but he didn't come back for a while and weren't answering my texts or calls. I tracked his phone and found him drunk and stoned in a park. We got food and he fell asleep.
Will: shit Jay. We need to stop this before it gets out of hand. We need to talk to him about the dangers of weed and alcohol. The fact that he doesn't see the danger in things is what's gonna make it difficult to get through to him.
Jay: yeah. Especially due to his meds as well.
Will: what do you mean?
Jay: I was woken up by my phone going off and it was a seizure alert from Jaylens watch. Jaylen was seizing and it was bad. It took him about an hour to come round. He threw up few more times before going into an absent seizure. He had about 13 in twenty minutes.
Will: when's the social worker coming round?
Jay: supposed to be today but I'm not sure. He's gonna have the fattest hangover so we need to sober him up.
Will: let me know how it goes. Goodwins called me in. Has the funeral been arranged yet?
Jay: it's in progress.
Will: keep me updated
Jay: I should probably go wake him up
I made my way to his room and he was already awake and showered
Jay: you okay?
Jaylen: I'm sorry about yesterday
Jay: it's okay. We need to talk about it tho okay. For now let's just eat breakfast.
We went and ate and I gave him his meds.
Jaylen: I didn't mean to. I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted it all to go away.
Jay: I know and I understand that but there are better ways you could have dealt with it
Jaylen: it's just they offered it and I just took it. It was all getting too much and I didn't know what to do
Jay: whenever you feel overwhelmed or something I want you to talk to someone whether it's me, Will, kelly just anyone you trust. I know it's hard for you to talk about how you so you could try writing it down.
Jaylen: maybe
Jay: just give it a try. Even if you just want to vent. It might help. You won't know until you try
Jaylen: okay. Is Bill coming today?
Jay: I'm not sure I haven't heard from him. It might even be tomorrow.
Jaylen: can we go to the batting cages?
Jay: sure. After we'll have to go to the district
Jaylen: can i not stay here?
Jay: I'm sorry kiddo but I can't leave you here alone.
Jaylen: can I not go to the firehouse?
Jay: it's first shift until this afternoon. Kelly and Matt won't be there
Jaylen: fuck sake
Jay: I know it's going to be hard. We're all here for you.
He walked out and I heard the car door slam shut. I grabbed his meds and went out to the car and we headed to the district. Throughout the journey I glanced over to Jaylen and he was just zoned out looking out the window and fidgeting with his hands.

Jaylen pov
My mind was racing. I felt all these different emotions and they were starting to overwhelm me.
Jay: okay lets take a few deep breaths okay
I did the breathing exercises
Jaylen: I don't think I can do it. I can't go in there
Jay: you'll be fine. I'll be with you every step of the way.
We arrived at the district and I took a deep breath before walking in.
Trudy: hey chuckles and trouble
Jaylen: is is Hank here?
Trudy: yeah why?
Jaylen: oh er no reason
Jay: why don't you go up while I talk to Trudy
Jaylen: it's fine I'll wait
Jay: Jaylen go now
Jaylen: what's your fucking problem?
Jay: Jaylen
Trudy buzzed me up and I went up and saw someone sitting at my dad's desk.
Jaylen: that's not your desk
??: yeah it is
Jaylen: No it's not. That's my dads desk.
??: not anymore.
Jaylen: you don't belong here
??: says the kid
Jay: hey!
I looked back and Jay looked pissed.
Jay: what's going on?
A lady walked in and sat at mamas desk.
Jay: hey Jaylen let's talk
Jaylen: why are you so calm? My dad treated you like a son. Like you were family and you let him get replaced just like that.
Jay: listen I didn't know okay. Trust me I'm pissed as well
Jaylen: Voight!
Hank: Oo I'm in trouble
Jaylen: you think you're funny
Hank: let's go and talk
Jaylen: fuck you
Jay: Jaylen let's go and calm down
Jaylen: I am calm
Jay: Jaylen
Jaylen: I am fucking calm
??: what would your mom and dad say huh?
Jaylen: what did you say?
Kevin: walk away Jaylen
Adam: it's not worth it kiddo
Al: go with Erin

I was getting more wound up the longer I was there and everyone could see it. I stormed into the break room and slammed the door behind. I started throwing things. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear anyone walk in
Erin: hey kiddo. You wanna talk to me?
Jaylen: i i can't
I just broke down crying. Erin came over and hugged me.
Erin: your okay
Jay: why don't you stay in here and we'll go do some boxing after.
I just nodded. Jay gave me a notebook and pen then left with Erin. I opened the notebook and it said
Jaylen,
I want you to be able to write in this book and feel your feelings fade away. I want you to be able to express your emotions and why your feeling the way you feel. Use this book for when talking is too hard. Use it to tell us how you feel. I know it's hard right now but everything will get better
From JayJay

I took the pen and started writing

Everything is getting too much. Mama and dad getting killed. School. Seizures. Everything. I have no family I'm alone. I feel like I'm a burden. Everyone keeps walking on egg shells around me. They just the see the poor kid whose parents were murdered.
Jays been there for me more than anyone but I feel like I'm just causing problems all the time. If I'm not kicking off then I'm having seizures. I feel like I'm holding him back. Maybe me going to a foster family will be better for everyone. I know I'm too much to handle but I can't help it.
I'm still pissed at Hank and he hasn't made it any better. There are two new people in the district and they've been given mama and dads desks. I don't know if I'm ever gonna forgive him but I hope at some point I do. I miss him. I miss when I'd be distracting everyone and her take me to the cages or for something to eat. I blame him for their death. He was supposed to keep us safe. Why did incompetent officers get put on our detail. Maybe then they'd still be alive. I miss them. I want to talk to Jay or even Kelly about it but I just don't know how. I know they'd listen and everything I just don't know how to explain how I'm feeling. Next week is mamas birthday and I don't know how to feel about it. I probably won't even be here.

Jaylen EvansWhere stories live. Discover now