I Think I've Met My Match <fin>

Chapter 39: Don't want to lose you. </3

<Duncan's POV>

“You really want to know?” huminga ako ng malalim. “Fine!” I composed myself kasi kanina pang sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

I looked at her and she looks worried, scared and confused. “You asked for this… then I shall tell you what you want to know.” Tinitigan niya lang ako habang ako naman hindi na mapakale sa kinatatayuan ko.

I’m sweating heavily and my breathing seems abnormally fast. “Inaami ko nung una gusto kong saktan ka hangang sa maramdaman mo din yung physical pain na dinulot mo sa kapatid ko. Pero I swear that changed when I came to know you more.” Nilapitan ko siya, “Nakilala ko yung Min na vulnerable, yung Min na hindi maangas at may kinakatakutan din at narealize ko na cover up mo lang yung toughness mo. Reality is, you’re a girl who’s scared to show her weaknesses and doesn’t want to get hurt so badly na bago pa siya masaktan you avert yourself from anything that could hurt you.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya, “So, balak mo akong laitin kaya mo ako dinala dito sa labas? Well, guess what… keep going and I might just remember why I always thought that liking you would only kill me slowly.” Singit niya sa delicately structured kong speech. Lalong sumama ang tingin niya sa akin.

“I… I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m insulting you.” I tried to explain myself pero mukhang galit na galit pa rin siya. “I only wanted to point out that you’re not really mean at all, but you only want to keep shielding yourself, at nasosobrahan mo lang kasi ito na nakakasakit ka na, pero you were only defending yourself, kasi kung tutuusin you’re really a warm person and really fun to be with.”  Umaliwalas ang tingin sa akin ni Min, finally. Akala ko papatayin na niya ako sa mga tingin niya sa akin kanina.

I took another deep breath and continued, “And I can see how much you value Luna and your friends. You valued me kahit na we had a rough start, you looked over that and saw me as a friend. Akala ko nung una kaya magaan ang pakiramdam ko sa’yo kasi…” I paused para pag-isipan paano ko sasabihin sa kanya yung gusto kong sabihin, tinignan ko siya and this time nakikinig na talaga si Min attentively, “para kang si Mia. Akala ko nakikita ko kasi si Mia sa’yo and honestly at first talaga Mia ang tingin ko sa’yo hangang sa nakita kita as Min and I love the person that you are. Totoo ka sa sarili mo at sa lahat ng tao sa paligid mo, one thing that Mia doesn’t have and it’s the very reason why I fell for you, Min.”

“That’s funny. You say you like me and yet hindi pwedeng maging tayo. Your story’s really adding up.” She looks sarcastic, “Let me save you some time of explaining, I’m not buying whatever you’re saying. So stop the crap because you’re not getting forgiveness from me with the shit you’re saying.” She stepped away from me and started walking away and fast.

“Min, please hear me out.” I pleaded. Nahihirapan na nga akong mag-open up sa kanya napakastubborn pa niya.

She stopped walking pero she’s still not looking at me, so I took it as a sign that she does want to listen, so I continued, “It’s not that I don’t really love you, and I really didn’t mean to play with your feelings, as it turns out it really looks like I did but I didn’t.” I paused to let the message sink in, “I’m really sorry. Alam ko pinaasa kita, though I didn’t mean to hurt you and I really wanted to stop that from happening pero sobrang nasaktan ka pa rin. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin ito ng hindi nagmumukhang nagrarason lang ako pero… Hindi talaga pwedeng maging tayo, because if I do…” I stopped kasi nahihirapang lumabas yung boses ko.

She faced me, “Ayan ka na naman sa hindi pwedeng maging tayo!!! ANO BA TALAGA?” she’s freaking out.

“I WILL LOSE MY SISTER! Okay?” Then I looked at her and she looks shocked that I yelled at her, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” I tried to reach for her hand pero inilayo niya ito.

Hindi ko na alam paano ko ipapaintindi sa kanya, I tried to gather all my strength and continued to explain, “Aalis siya at mag-aaral na sa London kung itutuloy ko ang pagligaw sa’yo, and I thought to myself, hindi ko kayang wala siya dito. She’s the only real family that I have here since our mom died. And I thought I can still have our friendship if ever I choose to let you go.” Nauna na akong maiyak kaysa kay Min. I don’t exactly know what’s going on inside her head right now, but all I know right now is I have to make her understand so that we could meet in the middle.

“So, wala na rin palang sense na naguusap pa tayo ngayon. ‘Cause you’re already letting me go.” She said, “Tell your sister to get a life!” saka niya ako tinulak then she walked away, again, like she always do, “Oh and Duncan,” she faced me, “You say you value what we have, pero hindi ko man lang maramdaman na gumagawa ka ng paraan to save whatever friendship we have left. And with that said, whatever this is, it’s over.” Tinalikuran niya ako and started to walk away again, but I stopped her.

Hinarang ko siya, “Min,” pilit ko.

“ANO BA!? PARAANIN MO NGA AKO!” sigaw niya. Dinadaan na naman niya sa galit.

Natataranta na ako, ‘cause she’s losing patience already and that means I need to explain myself, and fast. “Hindi kita paparaanin hanggat hindi mo ako pinapakingan.”nararamdaman ko nang namumuo ang luha sa mga mata ko, but that’s not my concern right now. “I thought I can let you go, okay? BUT I CAN’T! I can’t lose you… I just can’t…” tumulo ang mga luha ko, I brushed them away with my hands. “I don’t want to lose you Min. And I know this sounds selfish, pero importante din ang kapatid ko sa akin. As much as I want you closer to me, I can’t.” dirediretso pa rin ang tulo ng luha ko kahit anong punas ko dito.

“Hindi ko kayang mawala ka sa akin Min. I know you need time. And I know I deserve to be hated, but all I ever wanted was to protect you from getting hurt. Inagahan ko ng itigil bago pa lumala ang lahat. But I guess it’s all too late.” Hindi na ako makahinga ng maayos at sobrang bilis na naman ng tibok ng puso ko. Parang puputok na ito in any minute.

“You are selfish.” She said, sabay sampal sa akin. Napagilid yung mukha ko sa lakas ng sampal niya sa akin. I wasn’t expecting that, “Para matauhan ka, kulang pa yan sa sakit na pinaparamdam mo sa akin ngayon. You think you can still have me as a friend after all these? ANO KA SINUSWERTE?” bulyaw niya sa akin. She’s crying now too, “Ang sakit-sakit na. Alam mo ba kung gaano ako umasa? SOBRANG UMASA AKO SA’YO!!! Ang tanga ko lang din naman, to think na kaya mong ipaglaban ang nararamdaman mo sa akin, hell… UMAASA PA RIN AKO! WALANG HIYA KA TALAGA TO EVEN ASK FOR US TO REMAIN FRIENDS! ANG KAPAL DIN NG MUKHA MO!” sinampal niya ako ulit.

“Sige pa, sampalin mo pa ako kung yan ang makakagaan ng loob mo.” Hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko, at pati si Min hindi na rin tumitigil ang pagtulo ng mga luha niya. And it breaks my heart to see her cry because of me. “I know it’s too much to ask, pero hindi ko naman hinihiling na agad-agad mong maibalik ang tiwala mo sa akin for us to be friends again. All I’m asking for is for you to reconsider. Handa akong maghintay, Min, for you to forgive me. At hindi ako titigil na umasa that we can be friends again. Kahit anong sabihin mong wala na akong pag-asa.” My knees felt weak at gusto ko nang mapaluhod sa harap niya.

“You wait all you want, but I’m not going to change my mind.” Tinulak niya ako pagilid. “Get out of my way and get out of my life.” Then she started walking away. And I just watch her go. My knees gave in at napaluhod ako while I watch her walk away from me, and out of my life, forever.

I want to call out to her as she goes, pero walang boses na lumalabas kahit na anong buka ko sa bibig ko. Now, I’ve done it. I’ve managed to lose her, the girl that I never wanted to leave my side.

***A/N***

Tignan niyo si Duncan na umiiyak sa gilid.

TT_TT ~waaaaaaaaaah!!! Piniga ko talaga yung utak ko para sa UD na 'to. ~wah! Sana magustuhan niyo. Though madrama. ~teehee

Thanks for the reads guys!!! I finally reached the 1000 mark.