The Consul and The Cat

22- Making the Money! Making the Bread!

Clotted Cream is drawing a scene from the recent Sagefeather oneshot. It's the scene where Potionmaster dies.

He hums, "Usually I'm not a fan of major character deaths, but this is an exception."

There's a knock on his window.

He looks to the side fast enough to see Amogus the seagull splat against the window. The bird is flailing in the air, carrying a letter.

The hero-in-time-out quickly lifts the sash of the window, letting Amogus in. The seagull screams at him, which makes it drop the letter from its beak. Amogus then turns and flies away, shitting on Custard's brand new car for good measure.

Clotted Cream flips over the letter, seeing that it was from Chili Pepper.

"...Is this?"

He tears open the letter excitedly, only to be met with nothing. There's some writing on the inside of the envelope, something about a deed to Custard's land.

Chili Pepper appears in a poof of spicy red smoke, "Oh good! You got the letter!"

Clotted Cream falls on his back, yelping, "How- how did you get here!"

"I teleport to crime! And you just tore a federal document! Quite convenient if I do say so myself."

He looks distraught, staring again at the letter he tore up. It is a document.

Chili Pepper shoves a metal briefcase in his hands, "Anyways, here's your money for the fanfic reading! I will ask you to do it again."

"...Where did you get this money?"

"Don't worry about that! I got a lot of money from you two raking in views, so that covered it. Just like you covered-"

"OK! You can leave now," He takes the case from her, then points to the window, "Please."

"Oh, don't worry, another crime will happen in about 3-4 business seconds."

Clotted Cream then realizes one important thing: He is not wearing his mask.

Chili Pepper chuckles, "Your secret is safe with me."

He sighs in relief, "Oh, thank goodness. I was worried about my secret identity getting out."

"Oh, I meant your massive crush on Killer Kitty, but I can keep your identity a secret if you agree to another fanfic reading night."

Clotted Cream screeches, "WHAT?!"

"Hurry up before I get teleported."

"Yes! I'll do it!"

"Good! I'll contact you later abou-"

She's teleported away to another crime in progress. EmoBrave and Chokecherry are running out of a store, hands full of edgy temporary tattoos. Chili Pepper groans, "Boring! Where's all the real crime around here?"

She turns to see... An unfamiliar bench.

UNFAMILIAR?!

Chili Pepper immediately brings out her broadcasting equipment and goes live. She turns with her mic in hand and starts the news with a scream, "HOLY SHIT GUYS! WE HAVE A THIRD BENCH!"

The numbers start climbing up astronomically high. A new bench in Kingdom City? How unprecedented!

Chili's arms wave about frantically. "We haven't seen a new bench since Night Shift became a hero!"

A crowd rushes to the scene of the sparkly new bench. The wood looks untouched by the several hundred people that need a bench, hence why the other two are so grimy that Tsunami has to wash them at full blast with her water powers.

The cheering is cut short when something crashes through the bench, splitting wood and tearing the iron legs out of the ground. The crowd follows the trail of destruction to see who MURDERED the precious third bench, which had barely existed in this cruel world.

EmoBrave shakes wood splinters out of his clothes, "OW! Who put a bench there?!"

Gasps line the street– and Chili's chat– This child destroyed the Third Bench and felt no remorse?!

The crowd tries to chase him down, but because of his stamina, he outruns them all. They will have to get retribution for the bench another day.

Chili Pepper returns to her broadcast with a shrug, "Alright, so the third bench is a bust. Good news, I think we have a new top villain for the charts this week!"

The news preview shows a list of villains in the area. Sliding into first place (pun not intended) is EmoBrave, knocking down all of the other villains in the ranking.

Affogato slams his 'Public Enemy #15' mug onto the table in frustration, "DAMNIT!"

His phone buzzes with a text from Reflection. He doesn't have to read it to know he's been officially demoted to ranking #16.

He looks at his newly repaired wall, "At least I don't have to worry about that."

His window shatters as a seagull crashes through with an envelope in its beak. He jumps back and hisses, transforming into Killer Kitty on instinct.

The seagull drops the letter and squawks at him. He unsheaths his claws, "GET OUT BEFORE I EAT YOU!"

Amogus flies out of the now broken window. Killer Kitty sighs and picks up the envelope, ripping it open with his claws.

Chili appears in his apartment, "Damn, you live like this?"

He hisses again, "Why do you think I needed the money?! How did you get in here?"

"Teleportation! Here's your money," She hands him a metal briefcase, then smiles, "Also, The Consul agreed to another fanfic reading night."

Killer Kitty's ears flatten, "What did you blackmail him with?"

"Oh, y'know, his secret identity. Nothing special. I'm sure you've seen under his mask before~"

Killer Kitty's tail poofs up, "What gave you that idea?!"

She cackles, "You two have something going on for sure! I just know it! You might only be #16 in the villain ranking, but you're climbing up to #1 in the ship ranks."

"Get out."

"You should move into a better apartment."

"And you should move yourself out that door."

"That won't be necessary."

She's teleported away by a bank robbery.

Killer Kitty turns his attention to the broken window, "That's going to take a chunk of my money already.. It's not even covered under my insurance!"

His phone buzzes on the table loudly and he picks it up while grumbling, "I swear... if it's Reflection, I'll throw my phone out the window."

It was a text from The Consul

KK, I got the money from Chili Pepper!

tats awsone! idid two

I don't know where to hide it, and I don't have a bank account :c

jsut snwak our an maje ome

What?

Just. Sneak. Out.

OOohhhhh. But what if Father finds out?

i'll will kill him.

Ok, I'll sneak out tomorrow while he's at CusTech. The bank should be open then, right?"

ya

Can we go together? Please :c

yes, meer u at bench

Which bench?

park

See you then!

c u them

Clotted Cream flops onto his bed, "KK really is the best friend ever."