Love, Alice

Chapter 25

Remember

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"What happened? The last time you were so excited about this dress?"

My mom handed me the pink high and low dress I'll be wearing tonight. Off shoulder iyon at kumikislap ang glitters. I decided to go on soft glam for the night to look calm and alright.

Namuo ang pag-alala sa mukha niya. Bigla ko kasing tinanong kung hindi nalang kaya ako pumunta sa prom kahit maayos na ang make up ko at lahat. I've been having second thoughts about it since last week. I've been thinking since that night about whether I'll go or not. I decided to wake up and attend practice everyday because I thought showing up despite being unwell is something I should do to be okay.

But now, there's a heavy feeling in my stomach. Something that's making it churn with so much nervousness. A deep unsetling feeling like something will not turn out my way if I'll go.

"Adelei, what's wrong?"

Yet, I have to go. I'll go.

Iyon ang binubulong ng utak ko. The very reason why my head shook slowly and a small smile formed on my lips as I took the dress from her.

"Magbibihis na ako."

Pumunta ako. Smiling to whoever greets me and even complimented my two friends who looked very beautiful that night.

"Ang ganda mo, Ad."

"You look pretty, Ad."

Those compliments should at least make me happy but they rather make me sad. Hindi man lang ako makangiti ng totoong ngiti.

But I managed to hold out at least for the first few minutes since I got here. Nakangiti pero hindi matatago ang pagiging tahimik sa okasyong dapat makihalubilo man lang ako. Hinintay ko ang gabing 'to. Who would've thought half way through I wished this would never come. At hindi ko aakalain na mas hihilingin ko pa iyon ng mas taimtim nang makita siya.

"Si Tem ba 'yan?"

"Wow, ang ganda niya."

"Partner sila ni Ren?! A-Akala ko ba?"

Maybe this is it huh. The ugly feeling in my stomach a while ago. The churn that's making me want to puke. Ito 'yon.

"A-Ad? Anong...bakit?"

"Hindi kayo ang magkasama?"

Nangapa ng mga salita sila Cas. They didn't know, only I did. Akala nila partner pa rin kami ni Ren kahit absent na siya sa practice o na wala si Tem dahil hindi na siya dadalo. But I knew, they're coming tonight, together as partners.

The eyes around me probably didn't know too. Halos lahat ng mga iyon nasa akin. May halong malisya ang lahat ng iyon o kung hindi ay awa.

I pushed myself to swallow it. The pain, embarassment, and bitterness. Iyon din siguro ang rason kung bakit ako pumunta. There's no way dealing out of sadness than actually experiencing it. Let it dug deeper into the heart and mind.

"What?! Ad, naman!"

Napahilamos si Cas no'ng pasekreto nila akong hilahin sa cr matapos ng sayaw namin.

Kat sighed beside me. "Nababaliw na si Ren."

"Hindi ka sana pumayag,Ad."

I sighed. "Hindi siya nagtanong."

Tiningnan ko ang repleksiyon ng mukha ko sa salamin. My low bun and strands of curly hair in front made me look fine tonight. The glitters of my eye shadow and the same spark in my dress helped me lie about what I really feel tonight.