Love, Alice

Chapter 23

Accusations
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Ganito pala.

Iyon kaagad ang pumasok sa isip ko no'ng sinabi niya 'yon.

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na hindi matanggihan. That pair of eyes looking soulfully into mine made me feel euphoric. Totoong para kang nakalutang, na kahit abot langit ang tahip ng dibdib mo at halos mawawalan ka ng hininga, hindi mo maitatago ang saya. Though, the swirls of joy could be mistaken for a weird discomfort.

Gusto kong tumakbo sa sobrang kaba, sa saya, sa kilig? All from this sudden surge of new emotions or from finally, having what I felt answered after a long time. Sa sobrang bago nito sa pakiramdam, hindi ko alam kung paano harapin. But one thing's for sure, it felt wonderful to be stared at while he's saying those words.

"Talagang binili ko ang parehas na flavor no'ng strawberry drink dahil gusto mo 'yon at gusto ko kung a-anong gusto mo."

I feel like a flower in its season of blossom. Bright and shining, in glee of someone's eyes admiring my vibrant bloom.

"Binigyan kita ng hot choco kasi alam kong nilalamig ka at may competition kayo bukas kaya alam kong hindi ka pwedeng magkasakit."

But the flower is new to the person's attention. His stare made the flower nervous and unsettled, too scared he'll hear her heartbeat.

"And that night!"

A huge puff of breath came from his lips, like it was finally the moment of truth and he should man up or he'll lose the chance to be truthful.

"I called you kasi ang sabi mo pupunta ka at.....g-gusto kong pumunta ka."

Nanlaki ang mata ko. Catching my breath for the next words he'll say because what he said is already too much. I expected us to finally end our connection because of our mistake. That I'll forever tell my future nieces how they should be wary of guys because of my high school rejection. But who turned the tables? Was it me because I initiated us to come here?

"Hindi 'yon maling akala. Ginawa ko 'yon kasi magkaibigan tayo....." he scoffed after saying the last line. "Or maybe that was the rightful excuse." He whispered, his hand caressing the side of his neck as he tried to peek on my reaction with the side of his lips rose from the big scoff he made.

Kaagad akong umiwas ng tingin, too scared that I'm face to face with the answer I want. Masaya ako pero kinakabahan ng sobra. Sobra sobra para akong mababaliw kung titingnan niya pa ako ng matagal.

The sun reflecting us in this cramp corner in the library didn't help that much. I feel like it created the mood for this out of the blue confession. Like a perfect timing, na kahit parehas kaming kinakabahan at puno ng pagdududa sa posibleng mangyari, at some point we knew this is the right moment we shouldn't miss.

At siguro, kahit pa hindi ko siya halos matingnan at alam kong ramdam niya ang tension sa pagitan naming dalawa, he proceeded on what seemed like a long overdue.

"Ad—no." He chuckled.

I instantly gulped.

"J-Jannalice." As if his chanting the most solemn chant and the mention of that rare name is the key for effect and to tell that he's serious.

My mouth hang half open, to catch the air I failed to inhale for seconds.

"I—"

Siguro, dahil sa sobrang kaba at estranghero ng batang puso, naramdaman ko nalang ang paa kong nagmamadaling umalis. Halting his words before it reach me. The keychains made a loud noise as I stormed to quickly get myself out from this stuffy place.