Love, Alice

Chapter 21

Keychain

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"Inom ka muna." the smoke blur my vision when Ren handed a hot cup of choco drink.

Tiningala ko siya, the wet strands of his hair were remnants of what happened a while ago.

"Salamat." Inabot ko ang cup at nilagay ang dalawang kamay doon na kanina pa kulubot dahil sa lamig.

Nang medyo mainitan na, inabot ko ang long sleeves na nakapulupot sa balikat ko, afraid that it'll turn wet from my damp hair.

"A-ayos na 'ko. Salamat dito." Sauli ko sa long sleeves niya.

Lumingon siya sa akin. He eyed me and my obviously damp hair saka tinuro iyon.

"Gamitin mo na. Pwedeng mabasa 'yan." He said as if reading my mind. He gave me an assuring nod.

Tumango ako at binalik iyon sa balikat ko. Binigay niya kanina matapos kong lumabas sa sasakyan. He saw me cold and shivering from the cold inside so he let me borrow his uniform. Nagdadalawang isip pa nga dahil nagamit na raw kanina but I said its fine.

I had a talk with my father inside. He was silent the whole time and only answered the questions I was desperate to ask him. He said he's sorry that he can't be with us anymore and that mom and him are separating. I said I respect their decision. I never asked anything further than the obvious fact that they're separating. Sa isip ko alam kong matagal nang lumabo ang lahat sa pagitan nila. I saw it, before they did. And maybe that is why I respect their decision to put an end to everything. Dahil ano pa ba ang dapat kong sabihin? That they have to stay together for me? I won't. What happens after love is moving forward yet staying for the sake of pretentious love is stagnancy.

Ang isang bagay lang na nagpatakbo papunta dito sa akin ngayon ay ang katotohanang ayaw niya akong harapin kahit pa posibleng ito na ang huling beses na magkikita kami. I want him to face me and bravely tell me all about it kahit pa alam ko na. I want an authentic reason behind all this, mula mismo sa kanya. Dahil baka lang, all the pain from the memories of our once happy times together would somehow ease me if I hear him sorry. But then I guess that's all we could ever be in the aftermath of all the pain we've caused—sorry. We are sorry because we made a mistake. In front of regret and life changing outcomes driven by our mistakes we could only say sorry. That's all we'll ever be.

"Nilalamig ka?"

Kumurap kurap ako mula sa malalim na iniisip. I caught a whiff of his scent from his long sleeves around my shoulder. Inangat ko ang tingin sa kanya mula sa pagkatulala sa makulimlim na daan. The hues of the sky in front stayed for a moment when I drifted my gaze on him. He looked misty, soft, and faded from the haze of the twilight.

Mahina akong umiling. Tumama ang mga mata namin, he stared at mine for a while before he nodded. What is he doing here anyway?

"Gusto mo pa ba?"tingin niya sa hot choco na halos hindi ko man lang nabawasan dahil pinagsawa ko lang ang dalawang palad sa init no'n.

Muli akong umiling. "Bakit ka pala nandito?"

Hindi ko manlang napansin ang rason kung bakit nandito siya para masaksihan lahat ng 'to o kung paanong nagawa niyang mabilis akong hilahin sa gitna ng lahat.

"May binili."turo niya sa bitbit na plastic kanina.

Tumango ako at iniwas ang tingin. Ilang sandali ay natahimik kami. Titingin ako sa kanya, mahuhuli siyang nakatingin sa akin pero kaagad iiwas na parang ayaw niyang mahuli ko siyang ganoon. In some other days I would mistook it for something else but the equal softness in his eyes signified something relevant to what happened a while ago. Right, I probably looked hopeless when I stood to stop the car and maybe I was pitiful when i watched it left me, underneath the pouring rain, soaked and spent from sadness.