Nobody Compares

Chapter Eleven

Nobody Compares

Chapter Eleven

R E C A P

I was staring at the floor the whole time he was talking. Looking up he was staring right at me his beautiful hazel eyes right into mine. He started to lean down but this time I didnt stop him and turn my face like I had done the last time. I time I leaned in too feeling his soft lips against mine.

I've been kissed many times before by Matt. At first I would want it but after a while it was becasue of force.  My kiss with Zayn was so different that any kiss I've ever shared with Matt. This one held passion. All my kisses with Matt were always lustful and the only one who would enjoy it would be him.

Zayns hand started to run down my back and the other hand started to roam around. I started to get scared. Whenever I had kissed Matt it didnt only end up as just a kiss he always wanted more. My hands started to shake and I pushed Zayn away.

One part of me was telling me that Zayn would never do that to me and the other part was telling me that he was a guys and that what they all want. Sex and nothing more. Once they have that they throw you away like nothing and you'll be hurt in the end.

I dont want to get hurt. I know I shouldnt have done this. I shouldnt have hung out with him because now I've gotten attatched to him. If he leaves me, which he will in a month I'm going to be the broken one. I've let myself feel again and now I'm gunna feel the pain of loosing my only friend in years. 

It was better when I didnt feel anything, no emotions nothing to worry about. I was so numb from all the pain and I made a huge shell trying to protect myself but he easily broke it. What if he ended up hurting me? I didn't want to deal with anymore pain. Why did I have to dig myself into this deep whole.

To be honest I couldn't just say good bye to him right now. It would be to hard. I've gotten used to him in the few days that we've none each other in which was bad, really really really bad. But there was no way out of it.

I dug myself into this hole and theres no return back up. Why did this happen to me. They hurt me so bad that I feel like everybodys going to hurt me. I know that there are so many good people in this world but luck hasnt been on my side because so far most of the people I've delt with have been nothing but bad to me.

Now I can barely trust anybody. I cant get to close to anybody without being scared and you know what? I hate it! I hate that I have a smile on my face. I hate that I can barely laugh because of all the pain I'm holding inside. I hate that I cant have any friends because I'm too scared I'll get hurt in the end.

"Carson...Carson are you okay?" I could faintly hear the panicked voice of Zayn.

My whole body was shaking. I coudnt even talk I felt like I was dying. "Carson, breath. Remember cout my heart beats," Zayn said as he hugged me.

With my head on his chest I tried to count but it was so hard. My mind was somewhere else. My mind was on the terrible memories, on my terrible past.