Random Thoughts of a Teenage Girl

Story Time;;;

Once upon a time there was darkness. Behind that darkness was a beautiful life hidden behind depressing walls and lit by a chandelier or flaws. This is what it's like living with depression and anxiety.
Sometimes depressions walls close in and no matter how much you scream out for help, nobody can hear you in your own mind. That's an unexplored universe
Even by yourself
How would you feel if I said that someone is out there and they're going to make you happy?

To understand depression and anxiety better,
Imagine that you didn't know anybody else except yourself
And you were depressed
And you just learned that there was someone who could make you happy.

You learned that there's someone who can make you happy
But you don't know how to find them
Because, again, you don't know anybody.

But you don't know how you're going to meet this someone, or how to tell if it's them or not.

I was going for insecure but that works too.

The little person inside your mind still roams free and isn't causing much trouble with depression and anxiety at the moment
You're at school
And you're with your friends
You have another friend of the opposite sex that comes over and you can't talk, look them in the eye (or hardly look at them at all), and you're blushing. A lot.
What do you think you'd be thinking of this person?

Having anxiety you think more about a persons body language.
This person isn't doing anything to show they have the same feelings

So when you're able to say SOMETHING, you've been thinking about it and restating it in your mind and making sure it doesn't sound too awkward and fits in with everything; and while you're in the middle of this process they turn to you and ask if you're okay. Putting you on the spot, and you end up blushing harder.

And then you end up blurting out something really awkward.
Like you're all in an awkward silence for a few moments and then you just awkwardly have to blurt out "Sup.."

And then this person laughs
And tries their best to start at least small talk
But you keep degrading yourself in your mind because you're an awkward person who has a wonderful...... Terrible.... Horribly tremendous "crush" on this person... Pretty sure this is way way way more than JUST a crush.

Then you build up some courage because you realized that your friends are still around you for support, and this IS one of your best friends so yeah may as well just go for it
Already had 1 awkward moment
If another one starts then so be it
So then you both start a conversation.

But then someone notices the person you're talking to
And want to steal them away from you
And as much as they're refusing, the person keeps coming back for them.
Your crush is staying to talk to you, and someone else is offering that they join them.
What do you think about that body language?

Well
They don't want to leave and keep telling the other person to leave them alone so they can talk to you.

Do you think maybe they have a crush?
Or they're trying to get inside your shell a little better?

Soon you're comfier with this person and you both found it a lot easier to talk to each other.
Then, you both try to glance at each other. Without realizing the other person was doing the same action this entire time. And you're stuck eye to eye. You blush harder, and their blush grows to become noticeable, and their eyes grow softer.
Having anxiety you soon have to turn away from them.
And you hear them mumble very lowly a side comment, which wasn't meant for you to hear. Nor, are you sure you heard them right or if they spoke at all. From what they said you were trying to keep your blush from growing any stronger. Once you felt your face wasn't GOING TO BURN OFF AT ANY SECOND you realized that.. They're still staring at you. With the same soft eyes, and light blush. And when they notice that you've noticed what they're doing, their blush grows more.

Luckily to stop another awkward silence, you had to leave. As much as you didn't want to, you had to. As you left you turned back for a goodbye, and realized that they looked quite sad that you had to go. You gave them a sympathetic smile before turning around and looking down at your fidgeting hands. Taking a great interest in your dancing fingertips, you hadn't noticed the ghost of a smile displayed.

Once you got home that night you were actually able to sleep, is what should be said.

That story is based off of Gary and I, and I just can't live without him.
I told him this story one morning, and wanted to tell it to you Ping Dings

It's based off of my POV
.. I'll make him make one from his POV.
Heheheh :3
He was supposed to
But I didn't remind him