(a/n so since there has been alot of fluff recently, i decided to write some angst...oops. warning: mentions suicide also this is written in yoongis pov i guess asnswjwb also also this is pretty long lolz)
i feel trapped. the dark apartment of mine is suffocating and cramped. jimin used to be my only source of happiness and freedom, but not anymore. i love jimin, with all of my heart, really. every single part of my body longs for his warm touch to heat my cold limbs. but now he's cold. no longer is he the sweet, happy, and energetic boy that i grew to love so dearly. "jimin, please. please, im begging you." i say desperately as i try to get him to eat something, anything.
"yoongi i- im not hungry. im sorry" he sighs as his fragile fingers push the plate in front of him away. tears well up and prick the corners of my eyes when i see just how tired he looks. when jimin first fell into his depression, he just looked sad, and lonely. but now he looks entirely exhausted. i get up from my seat and move to sit next to him. i gently take his small frame into my arms, and i just hold him. and in those few moments, i feel as if maybe i could save him. as if i could protect him from everyone and everything that tries to hurt him. but i can't. and i will spend the rest of my life beating myself up over how i could never protect him like i was supposed to.
"i love you." i hear his small voice say weakly into my ear. i freeze up immediately. i haven't heard those words come from him in so long. all I've heard was my mouth saying them and his quickly changing the subject. tears spill from my eyes but i pull him closer so he wont see them, i must be strong for the both of us. "i- i love you too. so much." i reply softly. and then jimin starts coughing, that nasty cough that hes had ever since he started withering away. his body shakes and his hands grip my shirt tightly, while he rests his head gently on my shoulder.
and suddenly the room is suffocating again. the walls are closing in and im all alone, no jimin, no anything. and no matter how many lights i turn on, the room is never bright enough. "jimin, baby, i have to go to the studio now." i whisper when he finally stops his coughing fit. i kiss his pale forehead gently and stand to go. "do you want me to get you anything? do you need anything from the store or something? i could stop there if-" but he cuts me off. "no im okay." and i see the corner of his mouth lift ever so slightly. i feel the tears coming on again, i haven't seen his real smile in ages. but i dont like when he sees me cry, im supposed to be strong for him.
he pulls me in for a tight hug and whispers that he loves me again, making my heart ache. i softly say it back before leaving quickly, to get out of the apartment before i start balling my eyes out violently. when i make it to the hallway right outside of our apartment, i fall to my knees and my body shakes with sobs. but they're not sad sobs, something more like happy ones. jimin told me he loved me for the first time in a year. a whole year.
when i finally make it to our small studio, i walk in to see namjoon, with his phone pressed against his ear and a distressed look on his face. "okay hes here, just give us a moment. okay, love you too, bye." he say into the phone quickly and then slowly puts it down, ending the call. "was that jin?" i ask curiously, as i drop my bag on the floor and start making my way to the desk to start working. "y- yeah. listen, yoongi, i need to tell you something. b- but i- i dont know how to say it." he says, voice shaking as he takes a seat beside me.
"just tell me. i can take it." i say to him. me and namjoon have been friends since before i even met jimin, which was a long time ago, we tell each other everything. "w- well you know how jin goes to check on jimin everyday when you're at work just to see how hes doing?" namjoon manages to get out, voice still stuttering a little. at the mention of jimin, i start to get worried. i feel my legs start to get wobbly and my head is suddenly throbbing. "y- yeah? what about it?"
