and i ask myself; "are you happy right now?"
"my answer is yes, i am happy." (-min yoongi)
i hope to one day make it to a place where i, like yoongi, can openly say "yes, i am happy right now." i dont know when or where that time may come, but i know i want to get there some day. its a hard thing, putting your feelings out in the open. it makes you vulnerable and its ultimately scary, but you learn to do it anyway. so, as of now i can openly say that my answer is; "no, im not happy." i hate to admit it for some odd reason, but i am truly not happy. if you asked my why, i wouldnt know the exact answer. maybe its because i truly hate myself or maybe its because i fear my boy doesnt love me the way i love him. but trust me when i say its much more than just that. i worry about keeping friends, i worry about my future. i worry about one day not being able to wake up and greet my parents, because i know that day will eventually come. i worry that my younger brother will die before me, because i know i will not be able to go on if that was the case. i worry on a daily basis that kim seokjin doesnt feel loved enough and that min yoongi isnt getting enough sleep. i worry that jung hoseok isnt really happy and that kim namjoon is not happy at all. i worry that park jimin isnt eating and that kim taehyung isnt feeling okay. i worry that jeon jungkook feels pressured. i worry so much, it makes my head spin. some days i fear i wont be able to live another day, like maybe i should just die and make things better. i used to have those thoughts much more often. so, dont ask me why im unhappy, because i dont know and i do know all at the same time and it would take me years to truly tell you why i feel this way. i worry that everyone secretly hates me just like i hate myself, and it makes my insides crumple. i truly hope the day when i can say "im happy", comes soon. (though i hope it has already come for all of you guys, because you deserve the world and everything good in it. please be happy and healthy, that would make me feel better. i love you.)
(side note; i dont know why im sharing my pathetic feelings with people who are here to read yoonmin, i apologize. i just wanted to get this out. you dont even have to read this piece of shit writing post, i was just feeling not so good. im sorry)
