(a/n so i know i said this one would be a thug au, but thats taking longer than planned so heres a sort of short and a little angsty chapter in the mean time~)
some of the things park jimin learns about min yoongi.
jimin learns that the only place he is ever content, is behind the mic in his dimly lit studio. staring down at rows and rows of endless words that are written so sloppily, only he can read them. closing his eyes as he spits verses about things ranging from his home town to growing up, each meaning something special to him. hes even happy when hes sitting at the small desk placed in there, writing and re-writing the same line millions of times because it just doesnt seem right yet. he'll tell you hes just as happy when hes holding your hand, but you can tell, in his eyes, that hes not. and he never will be. and you wont ever admit that it breaks your heart.
hes selfish. so, so god damn selfish. he'll use you up, drinking in every part of you, only to leave you empty and cold. or at least, he did that to jimin. he sat, and listened to jimin drone on and on about his family life, and his hazy plans for the future. he'll ask about his day and his work and how hes feeling, making jimin suddenly feel so cared for. but then he wont let you in, he wont trust you with his words. because theres a wall, a thick stone wall with chain linked fences and guard dogs barking loudly around min yoongis mind to keep tress passers out. and he wont let a single soul in. not even his sweet jiminie.
jimin learns that its hard to tell when hes drunk, but he almost always is. you cant see it in his walk or in his tired eyes. you cant see it in the way he forms his words when he speaks in the same low and one tone voice as he always does. but you can see it in his laugh and his smile, the way his chuckles are always a little louder, and his smiles are a little more often. jimin can taste it on the corners of his mouth when he kisses him and smell it lingering on his hot breath when hes just close enough. but you can tell the most, if hes really sloppy, when things about his older brother or his rapping slips out to jimin. things he would never talk about normally. things that jimin wishes he learned about all the time.
he learns that hes always jotting down lyrics. his fingers moving at the speed of light, tapping away on his phone to write down the millions of words and lines that pop into his mind at random points in the day. and even though yoongi always makes it a point to hold his device close to himself so that no one can dare ever see his carefully chosen words, jimin does his best to always ghost his eyes down every once in a while to read what he can. and the words that he can make out, are almost always about dark hair and tanned skin, with a smile of pure gold. and he cant help but wonder, if hes the one to fit that mystery.
but jimin doesnt only learn things about yoongi, but about himself, too. he learns that he loves it when yoongis behind the mic, making him sit in awe from the raw and pure talent that is min yoongi. he loves it when yoongi listens to him, makes him feel wanted and warm, even if he cant return the favor. he loves it when yoongi tastes of liquor, his hot and strong smelling breath fanning the back of his tanned neck, though he knows that he should help him stop with all the drinking. and what he loves the most is that he knows, oh he knows, that those lyrics are about him. he may sound arrogant for saying so, but the way yoongi stares at him when he thinks he cant see before typing quicker and quicker each time he does, is a dead giveaway. and jimin loves it.
or maybe, just maybe, he loves him.
and jimin wants, no jimin needs, to believe that somewhere deep inside of him, yoongi loves him too. its the only thing that keeps him sane because deep inside of himself he knows that yoongi doesnt. and it hurts. it hurts so much that jimin tries to convince himself that yoongi just tries to hide it, that hes not just a one night stand, a hook up. that yoongis lyrics arent just about good sex with a tanned boy, but about how he loves the warmth of the tanned boys skin too. but thats exactly what it is, what he is. and when yoongis skin is pressed against his own, he tries to imagine what it would be like if this was out of love, and not only out of lust. but not everything, has a happy ending.
//
a/n ahhahahhahah i love to be dead inSIDe!!!!!!!!!!! it is 1 in the morning i apologize for this mess. i have a field trip tomorrow and i still have to straighten my hair i am in desperate need of a better sleeping pattern okay just ask the hella dark bags under my eyes. please sleep well guys~
lots of love, namjoon1994 ! (i hope this didnt hurt your precious hearts too much~)
