VALERIE

Five

"Woo! Johnny! Yeah!" Mia screamed from the metal fence that divided the football field and the audience, she watched in excitement as their team rushed down the field with the ball safely tucked away under the linebackers arms.

Nick waited until they made a touchdown to drink from his flask, he made a small drinking game, that whenever their team would make a touchdown he'd drink vodka from his flask for 5 seconds.

Now the flask was empty and he was partially buzzed.

"You know this isn't was I had in mind." Mia said suddenly, breaking the barrier of awkwardness between them.

"What?" He asked confused clutching onto the metal fence for support as he stood up, Mia gazed off into the distance of the field before replying in a broken tone, "You're drunk and I just wanted to have fun with you tonight."

"I am having fun." He slurred as he leaned his back onto the fence,

"You should really stop drinking."

"And you should really mind your own business." He replied quickly, the intensity and venom is his words catching her off guard.

Swallowing the lump in her throat she opened her mouth to reply but instead closed it, tears gathered in her eyes, she looked away so he wouldn't see her cry.

But knowing Mia since 6th grade Nick knew how sensitive she was. He sighed to himself, contemplating of a way to apologize for snapping at her.

He looked over at Mia who stood 5'8, her long blonde locks reached her chest in sleek straight strands, she was the type of girls he was into, but he could never be with her for the fear of hurting again, like he did a few years ago.

His gaze lingered down to her right arm, the much too small sweater she had on made the sleeves rise above her wrists and whenever she'd move her arms it would reveal the large vertical scar that was forever marked on her skin as a permanent reminder of her failed suicide attempt.

He shuddered at the the thought of her laying in a hospital bed again, with a lifeless and hopeless look in her blue eyes.

"You don't care," Mia's voice cracked, "You never did care," She paused again, "And that fucked up thing is that I still and always will care."

Her sniffling just made it worse.

"Mia I don-"

"Save it Nick," She turned to face him, tears streaming down her face, her cheeks were a flushed bright red and her lips were quivering, "You can't love anyone, you're incapable of such a human emotion."

"I wish you didn't feel that way."

"Well I do, and I love you so much but you can't return it, you used me."

"I didn't use you." He replied quickly, feeling helpless as she was bringing up an old situation.

"You did, you used me then threw me away like I never existed." She cried burying her face into her hands.

"I didn't know you had feelings for me." He replied defensively sinking back down onto the concrete,

"You were my first everything."

"Sucks." He said dryly, swallowing the saliva in his mouth.

"I mean," She paused to catch her breath, "I mean you were my first time, first kiss, first love, and first heartbreak, and I was none of those to you."

"I can't do this." Nick said with a guilty look on his face, he couldn't believe she'd bring this up again. His jaw clenched and he looked away, he had apologized so many times and he thought enough was enough.

It was as if she couldn't move on from their past relationship.

It wasn't even a relationship, as he only slept with her to mend his own heart after his first real girlfriend broke his heart.

"You're just a fucking whore." Mia claimed loudly, drawing attention from several people.

"I'm a guy, I can't be a whore." He laughed dryly, causing her heart to tighten at how sarcastic he was being but she knew this had always been Nick.

Nick was a ladies man, he had random reckless sex with any girl that he wanted and he always got what he wanted because in all truth most girls wanted him, except the ones who already had him and knew he was an asshole.

When Nick was 15 and a sophomore in high school he met Kira Gonzales, an 18 year old senior at the time and that became his first real girlfriend, which was more than just a hookup to him because he fell in love with someone for the first time in his life. He lasted 4 months with Kira by staying loyal and faithful only to her. Yet after one fucked up night at a party Nick fucked it all up and cheated on her so Kira did the same and then broke up with him and shortly after moved away to go to college leaving him heartbroken. Eventually Nick told took comfort in Mia who let him because she had been in love with Nick since the 6th grade eventually it ended badly when Nick slept with her cousin the very next day too.

And Mia never got over the heartbreak even as much as she denies it, it's always in her mind.

"You're right," She said bitterly, "You're not a whore because you're a guy, you're worse, you're a fucking sad excuse for a human being."

Nick stood up, dusting his black jeans off, "Fuck off, you think you're the only one who lives with the memory?" He scoffed while he began to walk away, "You're wrong Mia, you're not the first girl I fucked over, but you're wrong you were my first, the first girl I ever fucked up mentally."

"That isn't something to be proud of you asshole!" She yelled this time, her tears staining her face leaving streaks in her foundation.

Nick proceeded to walk away, grumbling to himself, wanting to self destruct at that very minute. He began contemplating about drinking until he blacks out only to wake up in a gutter covered in garbage like he was used too.

But first he needed some food in his system.

The school parking lot was empty except for when he felt someone bump into him, the person tumbled back and almost fell, "Sorry." She said awkwardly in a hushed voice, he looked down to see two different colored eyes, the same eyes belonging to the name and girl he couldn't seem to forget.

Valerie.