Broken - A pretty face doesn't cover an ugly heart

12

It's killing me have to do this. Everyone knows how much I've always loved my hair. Again: what's left for me to do?

I throw away my shampoo and hair conditioner, and buy a different one, but still I decided to cut my hair to cover the fact that it's way less than usual.

– Hi... Are you free? I need a haircut.

– Sure.

The sympathetic lady smiled at me. When she asks me if I already decided which one I'll do, I say:

– Short.

I spent five minutes looking at myself in the mirror before I could say something. It was different. Not that bad, but still weird. I thanked her and so I was free the rest of the day. My phone starts to ring.

– Hi?

– Hey, it's me.

It was Ryan.

– Ok. What's up?

– Just want to know if we can go somewhere today...

– I'm free now.

– Ok, we could go to the movies or something...

– No, I don't have the time... I have a few hours free but I need to go home early so I can start an important work for college.

– So can we have coffee?

– Sure.

I turn off the phone after we decided to meet in 15 minutes at a coffee house. I'm not at my best moment, must admit it. However, I need to be open to get to know him again. Ok, I can do it.

He's late. I can't stop stir my hair, it's so uncomfortable to be so short. Oh, finally he's here.

– I'm sorry.

– That's ok.

– You changed your hair! You loved it long...

– You can be sure I'm not loving it right now...

He gave me a surprised look.

– Wow, that's new. Since when you don't act like if you're a confident machine?

I laugh. It's weird because he wasn't even trying to be funny; he had just made an observation. I guess I had never paid attention to how often I used to laugh at him on similar situations.

– I'll get there, just wait.

He smiled. We're still at that weird point when we're not strangers anymore, but also not friends yet.

– So, are you excited to finish college?

– Sure... Can't wait. What about you? Do you still work with your father?

He was his father's pride. The man was a great administrator and so was Ryan, after he finished college.

– Yes. It's fine.

– That's nice.

I feel so guilty about being bored! I barely can hide it! And it's even worse because I know this look in his eyes. He likes me this way. But I just can't find anything interesting about him right now. It's frustrating. I spent the last 3 years wishing I could have a second chance, that I would make things different... But I think it was remorse, not remaining love.

– Anna... I wasn't sure about we going back to be in touch, but I have to say I'm surprised. You're still a little bit like that girl I met years ago, but you seem much more like a mature person now.