Relocating

Always Miss Them

I woke up, without waking Ashton this morning. I left him with a kiss on the cheek and a note saying I would see him after work and I was using the car. He finally seemed like himself when he was asleep. Times were going to get harder. He was going to be worse around her funeral. That was the hardest part for me.

I was halfway through work right now and it was one of the slowest days ever. I wanted to see Ashton. Just make sure he was okay. He wouldn't do anything. He had finally calmed down. I just didn't know how long he would be calm for.

Dan must have noticed my nervous activity all day because at noon, he told me to go home.

"You look sick." He said.

"Ashton's sister died and I'm-"

"You're worried for him. Take the rest of the day off."

And I did. I had used Ashton's car to drive to the hotel and to work. I got back to his apartment and looked puzzlingly at his keys. I guessed which one opened the door, and I was right. I found him still sleeping on the couch. I kneeled down to where his face was and kissed his cheek. He didn't wake and I went in the kitchen.

I only really knew how to make pasta and chicken. I could make cakes, brownies, and cookies, but anyone can do that. I looked through his cabinets and he had a box of spaghetti and some Hutzers tomato sauce.

I began making lunch. Everything was pretty self explanatory. Ashton still was sleeping on the couch. I stayed quiet in the kitchen while I cooked. He was, like I said before, peaceful and calm. I didn't want that to change. The note I had written this morning was no longer next to him on the table, so that told me he had woken up today at some point.

I had finished lunch for us around 1:30 and decided to wake him up. The pasta was still hot, so I walked over to him quietly and sat down on the arm of the couch. I ran my hand through his hair, petting his head soothingly. He opened his eyes and closed them again.

"Hey." I whispered and kissed his forehead. I noticed he must have been crying more after I left this morning.

"What time is it?"

"Around 1:30."

"Why are you home?" He asked and I laughed lightly. He had called his apartment my home.

"Dan told me to take the rest of the day off. I made us pasta."

"Why were you laughing?" He asked, finally sitting up.

"You asked me 'why are you home?' Just now."

"Oh sorry." He said and he got a bit red.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fucking wretched." He said and wiped his face.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me off the arm of the couch so I was closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and his arm remained around me.

"Do you want the pasta I made?" I asked.

"You made pasta?"

"Yeah. So do you want any?" I asked and he nodded.

"I made a lot. Do you want me to invite Aria over? She wants to see you. You should talk." I said from the kitchen and he shook his head.

"Later. I just woke up. She's probably at work anyways." He responded.

"She took today off. She texted me this morning. I told her you were sleeping."

"Maybe later." He said flatly and I brought him a plate of pasta.

It was still hot and he ate it fast. He definitely didn't lose his appetite. I ate mine as well, but slower than him. We ate silently and I was worried this was how he was going to be for awhile. He placed the plate on the table and I put mine down as well. We both got up to clean the dishes, but I took his and cleaned everything.

"Am I going to feel like this, well, forever?" He asks as I walk back into the living area.

"It won't be as bad, but you'll always miss the person." I say and sit next to him on the couch.

"I'm sorry about how I reacted yesterday." He said.

"You had every right to be angry at the world. Even angry at me. I just didn't want to be shut out like everyone else. I didn't want you to be alone."

"I know. Thank you." He says and closes his eyes.

I rub the back of his neck and he lays down on my lap. I then rub his arm and feel him get heavy on me. He fell asleep. I text Aria.

To Aria: Come for dinner at like 5 at Ashton's.

To Rachel: See you guys then.

I rest my head on the back of the couch and fall asleep too. I wake up when I hear a knock at the door.