Catching Feelings

53

"Why does he do that?" I ask my dad from my place on the couch watching him clean up the pile of chips Jaxon proudly poured from the bag moments ago.
He shrugs, dumping a handful into the little trash can he pulled over "Because he's four..." He raises his eyes "You were worse..."
"Whatever...I was an angel. Still am."
He rolls his eyes "Yeah sure you were...just like your brother here."
I laugh dismissively and then turn to my little brother who is now seated, pretending to behave, but his eyes are scanning the room, seeking his next order of destructive business "Hey Jax...why did you do that?"
He kicks his tiny sneakers back and forth "Cause I wanted to."
"Yeah well now you can't eat them!" I point out smugly, certain my explanation will show him the light and he'll never do it again.
"You can get me some more though huh?" He asks without missing a beat "Will you?"
I lift my chin, a silent 'come here'. He rolls over and slides off the chair on his belly and then scampers into my lap. I run my fingers through his baby fine curls "Yeah...I'll get you some more bud."
Dad stands and brushes his hands off with a little laugh "You better hope you never have kids Justin...you give in way too quickly."
"So what?"
"You'll raise a pack of brats is what..." he smiles "Don't come knocking on my door for thanksgiving dinner with your bossy, spoiled heathens."
"Who cares?" I joke with mock seriousness "Mom's a better cook than you anyway."
My phone begins to rattle with vibration against the coffee table. I lean forward, holding on to Jaxon so he doesn't topple off my lap and look down at it "Look..." I smile at dad "Speak of the devil."
I touch the screen to accept the call with an enthusiastic "Hey mom! We were just talking about you!"
"Who's we?" She asks with a smile in her tone.
My heart instantly softens, the sound of her voice always makes me happy...yet sad at the same time. I miss her. "Me and Dad...I said you're a better cook than he is."
"Well it's not hard to be better than your Dad..." she laughs "He's terrible!"
"Mom says you're a terrible cook..." I inform him "and I agree!"
"Me too!" Jax pipes in just to join the conversation which makes me laugh harder.
"Shut it Pattie!" He yells loud enough for her to hear, but he says it kindly and with a smile.
Her voice turns serious "Listen Justin, I didn't just call to say I miss you...though I do, like crazy."
"Miss you too...You'll be here tomorrow though right?" I remind her.
"Right, but..." she hesitates with a sigh "I didn't want this weighing too heavily on my mind the whole long flight."
I sit up straighter in alarm "What is it?"
"What's going on Justin?" she asks softly "Talk to me."
I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, hating the worry in her words, and let go of Jaxon when he starts to climb off my lap, bored with me "What do you mean? Everything's fine ma."
"Justin Drew!" she snaps "Don't try and talk around me...I'm not someone asking you the hard questions during an interview...I'm your mother. Don't dodge me."
"I'm not mom!" I deny "I can't believe you're buying into all this exaggerated press!"
"I'm not." She replies firmly "I hear things, and more importantly, I see things...even though I'm not there, I can see it in pictures and footage, I can hear it in your voice...the media is getting at least some of it right...something's not right and I want to know what it is so I can help you through it."
"Everything's fine." I repeat.
"Everything's fine?" She raises her voice, which she rarely does "What about the show the other night? Was that fine too?"
"I was just tired...that's all. No big deal."
"Right. No big deal...and what about the paparazzi incident? You almost attacked him Justin! You would have if it hadn't been for your security...remind me to thank Dustin."
I drop my head a little, "Yeah that was bad. I shouldn't have let him get the best of me like that...I should know better."
"Yes you should." She agrees "Now what else is going on? Is it something with Bobbi?"she sounds hopeful, not because she doesn't approve of B, that's far from the case, but because she fears its something much worse.
"No...we're fine."
"Fine." She answers flatly "I'm starting to hate that word...do you know how many times you've said it during this conversation?"
"It's because its true...stop worrying."
She takes a deep breath and then remains silent for a little too long "Okay Justin...I'll see you tomorrow. I can't wait...you're too far away."
"So are you..." I smile "Love you mom...call me before you board your flight okay?"
"Okay...oh, and is there anything special you'd like me to pray about for you?"
"Just the usual..."
We exchange I love you's again and then I end the call, looking up to find my dad watching me intently "What was that all about?"
"Nothing..." I lie "Just about her flight over tomorrow and stuff."
"Didn't sound like nothing to me..." He presses.
I decide to ignore him and turn to Jaxon "Hey...wanna go out on the balcony and see how far off we can see? I bet its far...we're really high up!"
His eyes light up with excitement as he hurdles into my arms, wanting me to carry him out. I grab him up and give him a pat on the butt, then flip him over, carrying him upside down through the doors leading to the balcony, ignoring the feeling of my dad's eyes following me out.