Catching Feelings

31

When I step back on the bus Twist is seated in the exact place he had been when I left, but Fredo and Kenny have joined him. All three raise their eyes to me, nervously trying to gauge my mood, proving without a doubt that Twist has filled them in on what went down.
"Nice." I snap at Twist before stalking down the hall to my room.
I slide my door closed loudly, kick my shoes off and slump down onto the bed without bothering to get undressed.
I want to sleep, hoping that it might clear my head and I'll be able to think things through with a little more clarity when I wake up...but it seems hopeless. My mind is clouded with rapid thoughts firing without any rhyme or reason...bouncing around from thoughts of how badly I treated her, and how guilty I feel, to flashes of images of her on stage, to the horrible knowledge that Twist has seen her, even if he didn't really see anything at all, but each half thought skips to another before I can really process anything or even really make sense of them. But the thing I keep coming back to is that she lied to me.
I haven't really been in the position I've been in for long in the grand scheme of things, but it's been more than enough time to make me very untrusting...everyone wants something from you when you live the life I do...money, a little piece of your fame, the chance to take you down or make you look bad, the opportunity to make a little money by selling a picture or a story...and because of that, I don't let many people in.
The worst part is that she knows that, she knows how important it is for me to be able to trust her completely and without doubt and the fact that she has looked me in the eye not once, but twice now, and lied is too much. I know this is different, trust me...I do. She didn't lie to gain something from me, she isn't using me for her own benefit, but she lied just the same. And truth be told, it hurts worse coming from her than it would have if it had just been someone randomly targeting the famous pop star.
But I have good reason to be sorry too...I shouldn't have acted the way I did.
A sudden soft tap on the door jars me from my thoughts, but I ignore it, hoping whoever it is will go away.
Without bothering to knock again Kenny speaks up from the other side "Let me in kid."
"It's not locked..." I call back with a sigh of annoyance.
He slides it open and steps inside "You alright?"
"Fine." I reply flatly.
"Okay..." he nods "Well listen, we're getting ready to pull out but Bobbi's not on the bus...I tried to call her but she didn't pick up. Want me to go look for her?"
I shake my head in the darkness "No. She said something about riding in the other bus tonight. That's where she is."
"Oh, alright then...just wanted to make sure." he says turning to go. He knows me well enough to see when I need to be alone.
I don't respond and as if on cue, like flipping a switch, my mind is once again racing with thoughts the second I hear the door close behind him.
The next thing I know my eyes are drifting open to find morning light spilling into the room...how I managed to fall asleep I'll never know. We're stopped and have most likely already arrived in the next city, though I couldn't tell you which one though, they run together sometimes and become a blur.
A little sleep has done its job and I feel ready to talk to her and try and work things out. And I definitely own her an apology. I pull my phone out of the pocket of my pants I never changed out of and call Dan.
He answers on the second ring, greeting me with a "Damn you're up early..." instead of a hello.
"Yeah I am..." I agree "Mark it on your calendar. Can you send B over if she's up?"
"Bobbi's not on our bus..." he answers, sounding confused.

I'm disappointed but figure she's left early to deal with some things at the venue. "Okay...well tell her I need to see her when she gets back."

"She wasn't on this bus at all...I haven't seen her since yesterday morning."

"She must've gotten on our bus after I went to bed..." I reason while climbing out of bed. "Thanks Dan."

I step into the hall and peek behind the curtain of her bunk to wake her, but find it empty.