Catching Feelings

27

"You eat like shit kid..." Kenny  announces the second he walks into my hotel room bearing the bag of food  from McDonald's I sent him out for.

As he sits down I sift through the bag and hand him the Big Mac and  fries he ordered. "Yeah whatever. I eat like shit? I suppose this is one  of those new healthy Big Macs that don't exist right?"

"Alright, you got me." He takes a large bite and then talks around it "What's up with Bobbi?"

I pop a fry into my mouth and try to change the subject "These fries taste old...I hate that."

It doesn't work "Everyone hates that. So what's her deal?"

"How should I know?"

He tilts his head to the side and watches me...calling my bluff.

I cast my eyes away from his "I don't want to talk about Bobbi..."

He nods and concentrates on his meal...he's always been great at knowing when to push me and when to back off.

I've seen it too obviously, and so has everyone else...Dan, Fredo,  Scooter and Allison have all asked me the very same question in the week  that has passed since I ordered her out of my hotel room. I've only  spoken to her when absolutely necessary and only about business related  issues...but even given the little contact I've had with her I've seen  it...more so than them even because I know her inside and out and pick up  on the little things they would never notice in addition to the more  obvious things they have noticed.

Her eyes are constantly red and puffy from crying, and the circles  under her eyes make it clear that she never sleeps. And Allison reported  that when she stopped by her hotel room unexpectedly the other night,  she found her sobbing uncontrollably but refused to say why no matter  how many times Allison tried to talk to her.

The thought of her crying day and night is horrible for me, but what  really kills me is her voice...when she speaks to someone, or to me on a  rare occasion, she sounds empty, like she's not even here anymore. She's  falling apart, but so am I and this situation could have turned out so  differently if she had only talked to me about it. I can't forgive her  for what she's done no matter how much I love her.

Kenny and I are silently finishing our meals when someone knocks on  the door. I stand up to answer it since I'm closer and find Fredo on the  other side. He launches into a worried rush of words the minute he sees  me "I just left Bobbi's room Justin...I wanted to check on her. You gotta  go talk to her."

"No."

He sighs with frustration "Look I don't what's been going on with you two and its none of my business anyway,  but I'm telling you Justin, you need to go talk to her...she's in a room  one floor down from you losing it. I could barely understand her she was  crying so hard...that's how upset she is Justin...she didn't even try to  hide it from me. That's not Bobbi and you know it."

My chest aches as I picture her crying "Did she tell you why?"

He shakes his head "No...she wouldn't. But I'm not a fucking idiot, I  know it's got something to do with you and you need to go fix it...you  can't just leave her like that."

I think silently for a moment and then look him in the eye "Don't you  think I would if I could? I can't fix this bro, and neither can she.  Leave it alone."

He stares me down in disgust "Are you fucking kidding me? So that's it? You don't even care?"

"No..." I lie "I don't...not anymore."

"You know what?" He snaps "I was right that night when I said you  didn't deserve her...this proves it." He yanks open the door and storms  out into the hall without waiting for a response.