Catching Feelings

16

"Hey slide that bottle under the counter..." I tell Fredo, motioning to the bottle of liquor that rests on the counter "Scoots on his way."
He stands and swiftly tucks it away, "What's he coming for?"
I shrug "I don't know...said he needed to talk to me. Had his serious "Mr. Business man look at me" voice on."
He laughs and shakes his head "Serious Mr. Business man look at me?"
"Yeah..." I nod ... "You know the one."
He stops laughing and thinks "Yeah, actually I do...pretty solid assessment actually."
I raise my eyebrow and cock my head "Told you." Just before Scooter makes his way onto the bus.
"Hey boys..." he greets, tossing his bag on the counter.
"What's in the bag Scoot?" I ask with mild interest.
"It's about Bobbi Justin..."
I instantly sit straighter, I haven't seen her in weeks, I've only weakened and called her twice, both times she didn't answer and I didn't leave a voicemail, but I've kept on Scooter pretty constantly about when and if she'll be back. "What about her?"
"Well...got in touch with a couple of friends over where she's modeling...asked them to send me proofs..." he trails off but continues when I give him a strange look "I just needed to know what we were dealing with, I know these shoots can get kind of...racy. And she's a part of the crew so..."
"So what do you have in there?" I ask, still not connecting the dots.
"Her proofs...like I said." He answers almost solemnly.
I jump to my feet, eager to see her face after much too long, "What? Well let me see!"
He pulls his laptop up much too slowly and inserts the disc "I don't know Justin...I think this could be bad for the younger fan base...I mean if their parents..."
I cut him off with a much too aggressive "Shhh..." as her pictures load.
When she appears on the screen I can't speak or move for a moment, and then I slowly take in the nature of the pictures, she looks absolutely incredible, a perfect balance of classy and sexy as hell...but I can't imagine the rest of the world seeing these.
When I scroll to a shot of her in nothing but a tiny sliver of black panties, thigh highs, heels and her arms strategically placed Fredo lets out an involuntary "Goddamn..."
I immediately slam the laptop closed and glare at him "Shut the fuck up Fredo..." I hiss, momentarily forgetting Scooter's presence.
"So what Scooter...what do you want?" I snap with barely contained fury...why would I want to see these when she's gone and I have no way to change things?
"Well," he begins slowly... "I guess I just wanted you to know that she's flying in."
My eyes snap to his "What? When? When is she coming?" I insist, forgetting to play it cool with him.
"Tonight...she'll be here in an hour or two. I was gonna put her on the other bus...that's what she wanted...sick of you guys I guess.." he's joking but he has no idea how much it hurts me to hear she has specifically requested to be as far away from me as she can.
"But there just wasn't room, you guys will be in hotels for the next few night's anyway though...but yeah, she'll be here in a couple hours."
Fredo glances at me nervously as I watch the door even though he's just said it'll be a couple hours until she arrives.
****
I'm finding it extremely hard to sit still. I've been on this plane less than an hour and already I'm a nervous wreck. I land in an hour and I know that I'll see him...there's no way I could get out of seeing him...it's my job. I thought a few weeks away would help, it didn't...it actually made things worse. You can't go anywhere in the world without hearing or seeing Justin Bieber. I'm sure it was quite easy for him to forget though. I keep trying to figure out what I'm going to say to him. Do I even have to say anything to him? I tried to even have Scooter switch me to another bus but doesn't seem like that's going to happen.
The hours go by quickly and before I know it we are ready to land. Usually I'm eager to get off a plane...not so much today. The crew is in a hotel tonight so at least I'll have tonight in my own room. When I get off the plane I surprisingly find Kenny waiting for me.
"Hey you!" I smile and he hugs me tightly. "I didn't figure I'd have anyone welcoming me when I got back..."
He shrugs "Just thought I'd be the nice guy and pick you up. How was your break?"
"It was pretty good" lie number one " I really enjoyed the shoot but it was very cold..." I nervously laugh while waiting for my luggage, which swings around moments later and he grabs it off the conveyor belt for me.
"Awe thanks Kenny you're so sweet." He flashes me a big beautiful smile and throws his arm around me "So normally I don't like to pry or get involved in other people's affairs but..."
Oh fuck...I panic...he knows.
I look up at him confused "Okaaay...and?"
"Well, what's going on with you and the kid?"
I feign shock as he opens the car door for me... He looks at me for a moment and makes his way around the SUV then slides in beside me. "Well?"
"Seriously Kenny nothing...where's this coming from?"
"Well I know how Justin is and I've witnessed some things and then you left and Justin hasn't been himself so..."
My head snaps to the side "What do you mean Justin hasn't been himself?"
He runs his hand over his face "I don't know he's been edgy...mopey...just off."
I lie to him through my teeth "I have no idea Kenny...I don't know much about Justin's personal life."
He looks at me out of the corner of his eye "Mhmm..."
We ride the rest of the way talking about the photo shoot and other small talk but what he has said is weighing heavily on my heart. Justin is the one that kicked me out of his room and acted so coldly toward me. I don't get it, but I know I'm not playing some silly teenage game.
He already has my key card so I don't have to check in. He hands it to me and carries my bags up to my room for me "Thanks Ken I really appreciate it...I'm so tired." another big lie. I'm completely wired.
"Justin is in his room if you want to go say hello...probably partying again. He's been doing that a lot lately."
I open my mouth to speak but hear a bunch of yelling and laughing, Justin comes flying around the corner with a marshmallow gun and Fredo is chasing after him. As soon as he sees me he stops dead in his tracks and Fredo quickly nails him right in the back of the head. "Dick..." he yells rubbing his head. He stares at me then Kenny then back at me "Hey Justin..." I say looking down at my feet.
"Uh, hey Bobbi." The exchange is extremely awkward and tense.
I'm thankful when Fredo pulls me into a giant bear hug. "Hey B! Good to have you back...I saw your proofs...damn girl!" my face instantly reddens and when I look over at Justin I wonder if he's seen them. If he has he isn't letting on. I laugh nervously "Thanks."
Fredo starts rattling on and on about this and that but I'm finding it hard to focus. I keep watching Justin out of the corner of my eye. He's very quiet which is something he never, ever is. I cut fredo off. "Hey Fredo I'm sorry I need to get in here and shower and...stuff"
He looks a little stunned "Okay...I'll see you later right?"
"I don't know...I'm kinda tired...maybe."
He pats me on the shoulder "Well, we sure are glad you're back...right Justin?"
Justin looks like he's been jerked out of his thoughts "Uh yea...good to see you Bobbi."
I nod "Okay I'll see you guys later."
My heart races and I take a deep breath after I shut the door behind me.
****
When she closes the door I stand rooted in place while Kenny and Fredo watch for my reaction.
"I'm going to my room..." I finally mutter, handing Fredo my gun.
"What some company?" he asks as I head down the hall.
"Not from you two." I reply without turning around.
I slip inside my room and lean against the door after it closes, seeing her in person was just too much. And she was so formal...I hate it. God she looked good though, and I've missed her so much. I just want to go knock on her door and hang out with her like we used to...I miss her...I miss us. Then again, maybe there never was an us.
An hour later there's knock on my door. I don't bother with putting anything away or even waving my hands around in a futile attempt to disperse the smoke, because I don't plan on opening the door anyway. But when I look through the peep hole, Bobbi's waiting nervously on the other side and without thought I pull it open for her.
"Can I come in?" She asks, once again using that damn formal tone.
"Yeah..." I nod, holding the door open wider for her.
When it's closed she turns to me with a half smile and a little glint in her eye "Whatcha doin' in here Bieber?"
I can't help but laugh, maybe because I'm a little lit, but mostly because I'm so glad she's here "Shut up girl...you know what I'm doing."
She settles on to the edge of the bed and holds her hand out while I stretch out, careful to maintain a safe distance from her. I hand her the blunt and watch her, she always holds it delicately and for some strange reason I've always found it sexy as hell.
"So you came back..." I say when she softly exhales.
She looks surprised "Of course I came back...I didn't quit. You didn't think I would come back?"
I shake my head and take it from her when she hands it back.
"Why?"
I take a long hit and hold it while shrugging, I don't know what to say anyway.
"Well..." she hesitates for a minute "Here I am."
I nod "Yeah, here you are. I saw your proofs." I give her a little smile.
She looks embarrassed "God, fucking Scooter..."
"They were..." I smile again and raise my eyebrows "Nice." They were far more than nice, but what am I gonna say? 'They were hot as fuck, I can't get them out of my head...in fact I'm thinking about how much I'd love to fuck you as we speak'
She bursts into laughter "Nice? Wow thanks Justin...are you gonna pass that thing or should I wait for you to tell your life story first?"
I roll my eyes and hand it over "You already know my life story anyway."
She brings it to her lips and nods, holding her breath while still managing to say "Yeah, I do. Boring." She draws the word out and then laughs.
I give her a playful nudge with my foot "You're a brat."
She laughs again "I'm a brat?"
I laugh with her "Yeah...and you're high. Already. You're so cute when you're lit...awww, look at you."
"Shut up! And anyway, so are you!" She says defensively.
I make a face "No I'm not!"
"Yes you are! I can tell...your eyes are all sleepy."
"I'm tired." I wink.
"Oh okay then, I'll just go." She pretends to stand.
I quickly slide over and throw my legs over her lap "Stop that...stay."
"God you're right, I am high already. Where did you get this shit anyway?" She giggles as she pulls at the laces on my shoes.
"Target." I reply seriously.
She falls back on the bed and laughs until a single tear rolls down her cheek "Oh my god J...shut up."
"What's new with him anyway?" I ask quietly while pretending to inspect the end of the blunt and then rolling the ashes off of the tip onto the little plate that's subbing for an ashtray.
She squints "Jake?"
"Yep." I say flatly.
"How should I know...I broke up with him, remember?"
I catch her eye "Yeah I remember."
Silence stretches out for a little too long, telling me she's thinking about that night too.
I'm the first to break it "I missed you B." I tell her with a long exhale of smoke.
She takes it back without meeting my eye and takes another little hit "You did?"
"Mhmm...this is the part where you say you missed me too." I joke.
She looks me in the eye "I did miss you."
"Why'd you leave?" It's a serious question but I can't stop smiling partly because I'm high as fuck now, and partly because she just admitted she missed me too.
She ties and unties my left shoe over and over "Because I needed to."
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them "I meant what I said the night before you left you know."
I expect her to ask what I mean, but instead she says "No you didn't."
I'm bringing the blunt back up to my lips but stop dead "Yes I did."
"Sure had a funny way of showing it..." now she's irritated "Hey, how'd those meetings go that day by the way?"
I sigh and drop my head a little "I'm sorry...I just...I don't know."
She pushes my legs off gently and rises to her feet "I should go."
I toss the blunt onto the plate and stand "B...come on, don't do that. Forget I even said anything. I'm sorry."
She tucks her hair behind her ear and shakes her head "No, it's been a long day...with the flight and all. Night."
I grab her hand before she reaches the door and pull her into a hug, holding onto her for much longer than I should, but I can't seem to let her go. "I did miss you Bobbi girl...so much."
She rests her head against my chest and nods "I missed you too Justin. Good night."
I pull away reluctantly and place a tiny kiss on her cheek before holding the door open for her. She slips out and I watch her make her way down the hall to her room, silently willing her to turn around and come back. But she only offers me a little wave before she disappears inside.