Damaged

Chapter 8

I start to wake up in my new bed, in my new condo I get up and start to walk around embracing everything again. I check out the window to make sure Blair isnt in sight and I go to check the mail. I had a couple of ads and an invite to a party. Hmm.. I haven't partied in a while. I walk into my condo and set the mail on the table. I flip the tv on and I see it. Brett'a mug shot is on the tv. I tune into what's being said.

"It is said to believe this 17 year old boy is the prime suspect in a drunken robbery. He was intoxicated and under illegal drugs. While thinking he was at home, he was really at a strangers house. He grab "his" things because he was going to leave and move out. The owners of the house called the police. Brett was taken to jail and is expected to serve 20 years. Please lock your doors to help prevent other accidents like this in the future"

I'm in shock. What am I going to do now? I have no one. My mum died, my father died, my brother was killed and now my best fucking friend is in jail. I start to sob quietly then I say fuck it. I start bawling my eyes, crying so loud I wouldn't be surprised if my neighbors heard me. I walked into my room and grabbed my blade. I sharpened it twice and then I started to cut. I cut both wrist, both thighs, both arms, and my stomach. I bit my fingers until they bled. I couldn't feel the pain and I suddenly got disappointed. This was all my fault. I wasn't a good enough child. I wasn't a good enough brother. And I wasn't a good enough friend. And come to think of it, I'm not good enough to have my crush fall in love with me. I'm nothing but worthless. I walk over into my bathroom. I open the cabinet and look for pills; any and all. I took a handful of ecstasy, a handful of valium, a hand full of pain killers, and the whole bottle of sleeping pills. I shouldn't deserve to live or love anymore. I go to the kitchen a grab a bottle a jack and start to chug then I grab a bottle of whiskey and drink it all. I go to my room and get my laptop open. I start to write...

"It has come to the end. It's time for me to go. I wasn't good enough for anyone. I was a little piece of shit that everyone tried to avoid. I. Am. Nothing. I was never anything and now I will never be anything. No one loves me. I love no one... Correction. I love Blair. But it's all over now. This world is a filthy goddamn place. It's a goddamn horror story. And I'm so happy to finally be leaving all the piss and vomit that is on these streets. Goodbye cruel world. I'm finally happy knowing my end is right around the corner"

I start to shake. Yes, it is starting. I decide that I need something to do for the next hour. I go to my table and go through the mail. I start to examine the invite to a party more. Blair. It's Blair's party. He invited me to a party. Oh no, what have I done. No no no. What am I saying, he won't miss me. I did this for a reason. Everything will be okay. I hear a knock on the door. I go look in the mirror and my eyes are blood shot and there is black bags under my eyes. I look at my body. I have lost 15 pounds in the past two weeks. Shit, I look terrible. Who gives a fuck. I open the door and it's blair. Blair is at my condo.

"Hello.." He says to me. His hands are in his pockets and he is swaying back and forth almost as if he is nervous. "Hi" I finally choke out.

"Look, I came here to talk about the party. What we were doing was.. Idk. I'm not like that. I was caught up in the moment, that's all.."

"Oh yeah, totally dude. Me too.." I lied. I start to feel the blood flow to my cheeks. I couldn't cry. Not right now in front of blair. "Are you okay? You look a little.." He couldn't finish his sentence. I passed out. Everything went black so fast all I remember is the feeling of falling for ever. But I knew Blair had caught me. I was in Blair's arms. I was going to die in Blair's arms;I was going to die happy...

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Hey sweet hearts. Sorry I haven't been posting. I'm trying really hard to finish now. Oh no.. Levi killed himself. Why did he have to go like this? Only if he knew the truth about blair..

Xoxo- Megs