Damaged

Chapter 27

    I wake with Liz not in bed, her purse gone and a note on the counter. "hey, got called into work early. I will be home around the usual. Love you!" I let out a long sigh, trying to decide what i would do without my princess all day. I walked in a circle then proceeded to the fridge.  pulled out some grapes and ate those quickly. i went to the cabinet and took some Advil. My head had been killing me ever since i started getting those weird..real dreams. I guess i shouldn't call them that because I'm not for sure. But the emotions feel so real. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I looked at the clock which read 9:49am in big, red letters. a yawn escaped my mouth and i stretched for awhile. I walked to the couch and put in the movie "Evil Dead". Ive seen it a million time, but it is such a good movie. I lay down on the couch, propping my head up with a pillow and begin watching my all time favorite movie. My eye lids got heavy and my breathes got deeper. I didn't want to fall asleep, but lately i have been so tired. I yawn one last time and lose myself in the background music from the movie. 

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Suicide. that was all that was on my mind. i didn't want anything to do with this world anymore. My mom is gone and so is my dad. I pace the apartment and make my decision final. I stomp to the kitchen and take out 3 random bottles of pain killers. I down all of the pills with a bottle of whisky. I had an hour to blow; the last hour of my life. I laid on my bed, feeling the meds take over. I felt sick yet happy; at peace. My hands started shaking and my chest started aching. I knew the inevitable ending was coming. I heard something, then i heard it again. Someone was knocking on my door. I sat up, feeling lightheaded. Why did someone have to come now. I walked to the door and slung it open to find the one and only Blair at my door step. A faint smile came across my face as I looked into his eyes. I heard mumbles coming from my mouth but i, myself, didn't even understand them. I felt dizzy, out of it. I was dying; faster and faster every second. I felt like i was falling, falling forever and ever. I felt like it was a never ending drop to hell, but i knew in the back of my mind, Blair had caught me. 

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I jumped off the couch, gasping for air. the pain..the pain filled my body. it hurt so bad. I was gasping for air over and over again, but it seemed my lungs wouldn't fill. I fell to the floor, holding my throat, panic consumed my body. I thought of the look Blair had on his face when he saw me, the way i was, burned my chest with regret for letting him see me like that. Tears started streaming from my eyes as soon as the air filled my lungs. What the hell did these dreams..memories.. mean? When was this? Why was this happening. i don't need this. I have Liz and a house. My life is going good. Why do these dreams/memories have to fill my sleep. I found myself sobbing to myself, on the floor. I stood up, straightened my shirt and wiped the tears off my face. I sniffled my nose and coughed a little. I am tired of this bullshit. I walked to the kitchen and searched every cabinet there was until i found the whisky. if i knew Liz at all, i would know she loves whiskey. I grabbed he bottle and went to the couch, i turned off the TV and turned on music. I started drinking as the burning, warm feeling, filled my body. "I could get used to this" i mumbled to myself as i took another swig.  Before i knew it, Liz was walking through the door. I stood up quickly, making myself light headed, falling back down to the couch. "Babe have you been drinking? it smells of whisky". I glanced at her face as soon as disappointment played upon it. I ducked my head, not wanting to meet her death glare. "Levi! You aren't supposed to be drinking!" She was shouting at me as she walked over and grabbed the empty whisky bottle. She shook her head and mumbled to herself. It sounded like "I cant believe you" She stomped to the bedroom and began to undress. I stumbled in and looked at her. "Baby cakes, its okay. I only had a few sips. everything is okay." I was lying through my teeth and she knew it. I smiled big but she wasn't buying it. She threw on some shorts and a shirt, then laced up some tennis shoes. "I'm going for a run" she says  while shoving passed me. I sighed and knew this whole day was a fucked up decision. maybe i should confront her about my dreams? i need answers. Having these dreams is like finally having everything you want, having all the correct feelings, then waking to find you are in a hell hole with your girlfriend. I sat back down on the couch, and lost myself in thoughts.

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Hey guys! Almost done! 3 more chapters to finish up! xoxo- megs.