Surface Adventures +Other Skits & Interactions (UT/DR/UTY & others)

SALOT: Uniqua

*It's a packed theater. Mettaton is on the stage, ready to announce the performance.*

Mettaton: Beauties and gentlebeauties! Monsters, humans, and mystics of all ages! Welcome to tonight's performance! Now, please welcome to the stage Queen Uniqua Trueblood!

*The spotlights all shine where Uniqua should be standing but, she isn't there.*

Uniqua: *from backstage* We're starting now?! Hold on, I legit forgot we had this planned. *walks out to the stage* Okay, I'm here! I'm ready to do this! Wait, where are the requests?

*Mettaton hands her the requests.*

Uniqua: Thanks, dude. Alright, here we go. *clears throat* WELCOME TO THE PARTY!

Uniqua: I'm not normal? Buddy, I know I'm not normal. I'm neurodivergent, asexual, demiromantic, goth, and I'm a unicorn. What gave you that idea?

Uniqua: They say you are what you eat. In that case, let me just... *Uniqua stands under a light, opening and closing her wings around herself* PHOTOSYNTHESIS! PHOTOSYNTHESIS!

Uniqua: I wouldn't know that lack of sleep can leave you with short-term memory loss. But isn't crazy that a lack of sleep can leave you with short-term memory loss? I mean, I wouldn't know that off the top of my head due to my lack of sleep.

Uniqua: I fear no man. But that thing... *gestures to a Furby behind her* It scares me.

Uniqua: *struts guitar* This next song is entirely new. I wrote it for Mettaton. It's called "GET YOUR WHOLE BODY OUTTA MY FACE!!!"

Uniqua: Sirens have no effect on me. I'm asexual.

*Sirens start singing about chocolate cake and garlic bread. One tries impersonating Mettaton.*

Uniqua: BEGONE, YOU DEMONIC OCEAN MAIDENS!

Uniqua: The day I confess to Mettaton will be the day I let Jesus take the wheel of my life.

Mettaton: Darling, we've been together for a few years.

Uniqua: Jesus, take the wheel.

Uniqua: Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does! Wait, I can't drive! I CAN'T DRIVE- *car speeds off a cliff*

Uniqua: Mettaton, you can't just play yourself for your first DnD campaign!

Mettaton: Can I still have advantage on all my Charisma checks?

Uniqua: What is it without advantage?

Mettaton: 20.

Uniqua: How is it already maxxed?!

Mettaton: ... So, is that a yes?

Uniqua: What class are you?

Mettaton: I'm a bard/paladin.

Uniqua: That checks out. You are literally just playing yourself. I told you to get creative with your character sheet!

Mettaton: To be fair, you also made a character sheet for yourself in a campaign.

Uniqua: I'm not using that one for this game!

Uniqua: There is nothing you can do to get me to do a public confession, Mettaton.

Mettaton: I have my ways, darling. I know how to get you to talk.

Uniqua: And I know how to get you to stop talking.

Mettaton: I have chocolate cheesecake.

Uniqua: SURRENDER THE CHEESECAKE-

Hothead: Sis, I'm serious. You need an intervention. You draw Mettaton way too much and your closet is overflowing with merch.

Uniqua: I'm studying his design for tactical and defensive purposes while studying his marketing techniques. He wants me to help find all the flaws and weaknesses to improve himself.

Hothead: Then, why do you have a mountain of plushies on your bed? What about that one mini who keeps hanging out with you instead of sticking with Mettaton?

Uniqua: Tidbit and the plushies are there for comfort.

Hothead: When Mettaton isn't around?

Uniqua: Out of my room, bro.

Mettaton: Oh, how I love when you're near me, darling! It's like the spotlights are brighter when you're around!

Uniqua: Cut the mushy, cliché shtick, Mett. Give me my flashlight back.

Uniqua: I don't know how to do the dating thing! There is no road map! How do neurotypicals, allos, and extroverts do this?!

Uniqua: Bread. 👍

Uniqua: And for my next trick, I'll make this king-size candy bar disappear! *starts eating candy bar*

Uniqua: Remember, kids, when some adult tries to touch you in a way that's uncomfortable or disregard your boundaries, beat the daylights outta them! No one messes with little kids and gets away with it! After you throwdown with them, make sure you tell a trusted adult and report the assailant. If they press charges against you and your family, you tell the judge you acted in self-defense. Be strong and stand your ground! Rock on, little warriors!

Uniqua: Finally, a night where I don't have to worry about anything. My father hasn't staged a coup in several months. There's peace among all races. My sleep schedule is improving. Everything is calm for once. I'm just gonna enjoy this. Hopefully, no one has a plan to throw me off now. *turns on TV and sees headlines about her and Mettaton then immediately shuts it off* That's enough screen time for me for one night. That's enough todaying for today. I'm gonna hit the hay. See y'all in the morning!

Mettaton: Goodnight, my love!

Uniqua: HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE?!

Frisk: You can't just hope root beer will take the sting out of everything, Uni.

Uniqua: Not without a positive mindset, a loaf of garlic bread, and a three-tier chocolate cake. I need all of those in order to relax after dealing with creepy, old roaches, clingy, affectionate robots, and the entire population as a whole.

Uniqua: And now, a moment of silence for my lungs. Asthma sucks, bro.

*Everyone goes quiet.*

Uniqua: Thank you.

Uniqua: Hey, Hothead, can you hand me my keys?

*Hothead throws a printer.*

Uniqua: I said "keys," bro.

Hothead: I thought you said "printer."

Hoth: Uniqua, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for some time now.

Uniqua: Can it wait? I'm trying to figure out the best way to reject Mettaton's flirts via text.

Uniqua: Man, it's awesome being the only one in this throne room.

*She looks around, crickets chirping.*

Uniqua: I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't get some form of entertainment in here-

Mettaton: *kicks down doors* DID SOMEONE CALL FOR SOME ENTERTAINMENT?!

Uniqua: AAAAAAAAAA-