Surface Adventures +Other Skits & Interactions (UT/DR/UTY & others)

SALOT: Mettaton

*Mettaton is lounging on a velvet sofa in his personal suite at MTT Resort. He's got a stack of requests on the coffee table in front of him.*

Mettaton: You all enjoyed Uniqua's shot at these little SALOTs. I guess it's my turn now. Anyway, let's begin, shall we?

Mettaton: I am too fabulous for prison!

Uniqua: If you keep that ego inflated, I will turn you in! Don't play with me today, toasterboy!

Mettaton: How did I win over Uniqua so easily? Darling, it still took years. You think it was easy for me to bag her? She's the one who literally set the pace! I just abide by her rules! I respect her boundaries! It's not just about how charming you are. You must be willing to listen to her and be mindful of her needs. For me, that meant keeping my distance unless I brought snacks. Most men wouldn't care about any of that. They only care about what they want from her and what they can get. Unfortunately, that always leads to them getting attacked by a mad, 4'11" pastel colored mare with a sword.

Mettaton: Alright, this is how you're going to get Undyne. Listen closely, Alphys. As your bestest friend who happens to know all there is about romance, I'll coach you through the steps to becoming confident and charming enough to the point she won't resist you. I'll also give you a list of pickup lines for you to use to gauge some conversation with her.

Alphys: U-Uhm, Mettaton? I think these were t-tailored more towards Uniqua.

Mettaton: Nonsense! Just try them out, darling. Pretend I'm Undyne and use one.

Alphys: I-I don't think I'm ready f-for this yet.

Hoth: After nearly ten years of being free from Mt. Ebott, I think I'm finally starting to see what Uniqua finds attractive about you, Mettaton.

Mettaton: Oh? Tell me, is it my face? What about my fabulous hair? My legs?

Hoth: No, it actually goes much deeper than that and I do not want you taking that out of context. I recently talked with Uni about why she chose you and her reasons were very heartfelt. She told me she just felt different around you in a good way. She explained how it was like all her past trauma and fears didn't bother her as much as they used to. While she feels so much more confident around you, she also feels like she doesn't have to be strong, tough, or scary.

Mettaton: I've noticed as well. It really is a good thing.

Hoth: Good? That is great for her! That is a sign she's healing! We have all been helping her work towards this and you are one of the only people she's allowing close enough to see it. Lioness and I have been analyzing every interaction between you and her compared to others like her father since the barrier broke. She has been improving greatly!

Mettaton: That is wonderful! I'm so proud of her!

Hoth: She also did mention how your physical appearance, fame, and your wealth are just part of the bonus package.

Mettaton: I knew she couldn't resist.

Hoth: Seriously? You know I could've been able to help her lower her guard this whole time!

Mettaton: But I did it first. Also, you can't sing as well as I can.

Uniqua: Back to this again, guys? If you don't stop fighting over me, I'm gonna cut the junk off both of you, nail them to a post, and stand them up in the center of town where everyone can see just how small they are. My female viking ancestors would be so proud of me for following their footsteps.

Hoth: Please don't.

Mettaton: We'll stop now. Sorry for bothering you, my queen.

Uniqua: Now, get it together and stop having these pointless simp wars over me! Act your age!